Summer Fire

Hiling

2007-07-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

Kanina pa s’ya binabagabag ng samu’t saring mga isipin…

Tumayo s’ya at binuksan ang bintana. Bumati sa kaniya ang nagyeyelong simoy ng hangin na kakambal ng delubyong magdamag na hindi nagpatulog sa kaniya. Ngunit kakaibang init ang kaniyang naramdaman sa pagdampi ng hangin sa kaniyang mga pisngi. Napakislot pa siya sa tila paghalik ng Habagat sa kaniyang mga labi…

“Kailan ko kaya mahahaplos ang kaniyang maamong mukha tulad ng isang mapaglarong hangin ng katatapos na ulan? Kailan ko kaya maipadarama sa kaniya ang init ng aking nag-aalab na damdamin sa kabila ng lamig ng magdamag na unos?

Napatingala siya . Mapula ang kalangitan. At sa ‘di kalayuan ay nagbabadya na ang pagsilip ni Haring Araw.

Napapikit siya.

“Sana sa susunod na pagliliwanag ng langit, mga ngiti mo na ang mamulatan ko. Sana sa mga panahong ako’y binabagabag ng mga alinlangan, ang init na ng ‘yong mga labi ang siyang humaplos sa aking pagkatao…”

Bumalik na siya sa kaniyang higaan. Itinabing sa katawan ang makapal na kumot na animo’y naging kaniyang kanlungan. Sa mga pangarap, kasama ng kaniyang tunay na minamahal, maligaya siyang mahihimlay. Baon sa kaniyang panaginip ang pag-asa ng isang mapayapang bukang-liwayway.

***

Maligayang kaarawan : )

Sana nga'y kaya nating hilahin ang araw sa mga kalendaryo... upang mapabilis ang pagdating ng umagang kay tagal na nating hinihintay.

2007-06-26T17:28:00.000+08:00

Gusto ko na sanang magbago ng blog, as in total change. But due to insistent ~~public~~ demand ng isang tao dyen *wink* (na binura ang dati kong pinost re: my plan of transferring into a new blog... at talaga namang nagpublic announce pa) eto, ayusin na lang daw namin kung nababagot nako sa dating look.

Well, i gues may mga bagay talagang mahirap talikuran (kahit ang simpleng blog nan 'to)... mahirap dayain ang sarili... lalo na kung puso ang pag-uusapan...

CHANGES

2007-05-01T16:57:00.000+08:00

WE INTERRUPT YOUR SHOW WITH THIS VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

THIS BLOG IS UNDERGOING MAJOR RENOVATION. IT WILL BE UP AND RUNNING VERY SOON. YOUR PATIENCE WILL SOON BE REWARDED WITH A BETTER, IF NOT HOTTER BLOG THAN EVER.

NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING...

where art thou?

2007-01-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

finding peace...

2006-09-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

para sa 34 taon ng teatro at pakikibaka...

para sa pekpek ng Inang Bayan...

maligayang kaarawan, mga REPaks at REPists!

buhay at kamatayan...

2006-09-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

bakit minsan, kailangan nating maging malungkot para maging masaya ang iba?

2006-09-07T17:00:00.000+08:00

Ang tunay na pwersa ng Lovely Day Force...

Our hosts: Love, Gabby, Bea, and Jacob... At the back, LD Force Staff with their own superhero versions: (1st row) Jayme, moi, Godjoy; (2nd row) Aileen, Rose; (3rd row) Hech, Ms. J, Cresta, Ernest; (Last man standing) Phillip :p

Aileen, Godj, and moi... Lovely Day Three : )

***Sa kawalan ng inspirasyon para magsulat...

2006-08-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

"Don we now our gay apparel"

By Isagani CruzInquirerLast updated 02:14am (Mla time) 08/12/2006
Published on Page A10 of the August 12, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

HOMOSEXUALS before were mocked and derided, but now they are regarded with new-found respect and, in many cases, even treated as celebrities. Only recently, the more impressionable among our people wildly welcomed a group of entertainers whose main proud advertisement was that they were “queer.” It seems that the present society has developed a new sense of values that have rejected our religious people’s traditional ideas of propriety and morality on the pretext of being “modern” and “broad-minded.”

The observations I will here make against homosexuals in general do not include the members of their group who have conducted themselves decorously, with proper regard not only for their own persons but also for the gay population in general. A number of our local couturiers, to take but one example, are less than manly but they have behaved in a reserved and discreet manner unlike the vulgar members of the gay community who have degraded and scandalized it. I offer abject apologies to those blameless people I may unintentionally include in my not inclusive criticisms. They have my admiration and respect.

The change in the popular attitude toward homosexuals is not particular to the Philippines. It has become an international trend even in the so-called sophisticated regions with more liberal concepts than in our comparatively conservative society. Gay marriages have been legally recognized in a number of European countries and in some parts of the United States. Queer people -- that’s the sarcastic term for them -- have come out of the closet where before they carefully concealed their condition. The permissive belief now is that homosexuals belong to a separate third sex with equal rights as male and female persons instead of just an illicit in-between gender that is neither here nor there.

When I was studying in the Legarda Elementary School in Manila during the last 1930s, the big student population had only one, just one, homosexual. His name was Jose but we all called him Josefa. He was a quiet and friendly boy whom everybody liked to josh but not offensively. In the whole district of Sampaloc where I lived, there was only one homosexual who roamed the streets peddling “kalamay” and “puto” and other treats for snacks. He provided diversion to his genial customers and did not mind their familiar amiable teasing. I think he actually enjoyed being a “binabae” [effeminate].

The change came, I think, when an association of homos dirtied the beautiful tradition of the Santa Cruz de Mayo by parading their kind as the “sagalas” instead of the comely young maidens who should have been chosen to grace the procession. Instead of being outraged by the blasphemy, the watchers were amused and, I suppose, indirectly encouraged the fairies to project themselves. It must have been then that they realized that they were what they were, whether they liked it or not, and that the time for hiding their condition was over.

Now homosexuals are everywhere, coming at first in timorous and eventually alarming and audacious number. Beauty salons now are served mostly by gay attendants including effeminate bearded hairdressers to whom male barbers have lost many of their macho customers. Local shows have their share of “siyoke” [gay men], including actors like the one rejected by a beautiful wife in favor of a more masculine if less handsome partner. And, of course, there are lady-like directors who are probably the reason why every movie and TV drama must have the off-color “bading” [gay] or two to cheapen the proceedings.

And the schools are now fertile ground for the gay invasion. Walking along the University belt one day, I passed by a group of boys chattering among themselves, with one of them exclaiming seriously, “Aalis na ako. Magpapasuso pa ako!” [“I’m leaving. I still have to breastfeed!”] That pansy would have been mauled in the school where my five sons (all machos) studied during the ’70s when all the students were certifiably masculine. Now many of its pupils are gay, and I don’t mean happy. I suppose they have been influenced by such shows as “Brokeback Mountain,” our own “Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros” (both of which won awards), “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” and that talk program of Ellen Degeneres, an admitted lesbian.

Is our population getting to be predominantly pansy? Must we allow homosexuality to march unobstructed until we are converted into a nation of sexless persons without the virility of males and the grace of females but only an insipid mix of these diluted virtues? Let us be warned against the gay population, which is per se a compromise between the strong and the weak and therefore only somewhat and not the absolute of either of the two qualities. Be alert lest the Philippine flag be made of delicate lace and adorned with embroidered frills.

***

MISTER cruz,

kailangan talagang ipagdiinang MACHO ang lahat ng anak mo? lalo tuloy nakakapagduda. hehe

fyi, matagal nang elliminated ang pagiging homosexual sa psychdisorders, ateh. haler? 'wag kang matakot at hindi nakakahawa ang pagiging tomboy at bakla.

isa pa, ano'ng problema kung ang ating philippine flag ay maging gawa sa mga eclavung lace at maging adorned with chorvang frills??? in ferness, mahirap 'yun. that will require the virility of males and the grace of females, davah?

at tsaka, are you drugs? bakit ba ganyan ka magsulat nowadays? dahil ba sumikat ulit si inday garutay kaya nakiki-aruba ka rin sa mga balita? kung disappointed ka sa mga bakla at tomboy, pwes disappointed din kami sa'yo. pero well, sabi nga ng isang friend ko... you are entitled to your own opinion. that's what democracy is. shala!

pero ang sey ko lang... why do homosexuals need to be discreet... when you heteros are not discreet about your sexuality? chos! lahat tayo'y anak ng Diyos.

don't be too alarmed, MR. cruz. our nation won't ever be sexless. males will always be males and females will always be females. there would just be males who'd love males... and females who'd love females.

and who'd say love is sexless? : )

My HAPPY THOUGHT : )

2006-07-20T12:10:00.000+08:00

opisina.

minsan, gusto ko nang pagsisihan kung bakit ba naimbento ang salitang ito. at kung bakit kakambal na nito ang mga sumusunod:

pulitika

tsismis

sama ng loob

pagod

stress

at stress

at stress pa ulit...

buti na lang meron ako nito...

mahal na mahal kita... sana'y mahalin mo rin ako tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa'yo... kahit na hindi ako ang tunay mong ina...

Let us all be happy...

2006-07-17T16:05:00.000+08:00

and GAY!

wow, si Jang Geum! : )

Enjoy your week everyone!

2006-07-04T17:40:00.000+08:00

hindi ka ba napapagod sa pag-iisip ng para sa ibang tao?

ako, pagod na...

kung maaari nga lang magpahinga...

kung maari nga lang 'wag nang mag-isip pa...

2006-06-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

Isang araw, magigising ka na lang na nangyari ang isang bagay na hindi mo inaasahan.

Naputol ang pising sa inyo'y nagdurugtong.

Ang dati mong pag-aari, sa isang iglap ay hindi na iyo.

Kakaiba ang pakiramdam. Ngayon ay halos hindi mo na makilala ang minsan ay naging bahagi ng dugong umaagos sa iyong katawan.

Hindi mo alam kung ano ang dapat maramdaman.

Sinubukan mong tumawa. Ngunit ang halu-halong damdamin na lumulukob sa iyo ay ginawang bahaw ang tunog ng iyong halakhak. Malakas ngunit walang alingawngaw.

: (

Nasaan na?

2006-06-01T20:45:00.000+08:00

Nasaan na nga ba ang init?
Nasaan na ang alab?
Nasaan na ang nagbabagang apoy?

Malayo na ang narating...

Duk Ling Junk Ride (an authentic Chinese junk which used to crisscross Hong Kong's waterways 150 years ago)

Jayme, Love, and moi saling along Hong Kong's scenic harbour

Ngayo'y nagbabalik.

Ngunit patuloy na naglalakbay...

Sasama ka ba?

2006-03-30T20:05:00.000+08:00

binyag na ni Kahlil this Saturday! *talon-talon*

but i'm kinda kaba din. hihi!

Gay Life = Tragedy?

2006-03-16T20:30:00.000+08:00

haven't watched BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, yet. wish i could before my birthday comes : )

anywayz, hemingweyz... nalorka lang akech ng slight sa chorvang ito ni Bernz about the movie:

If falling in a life-long love genuinely, loving and being loved in return, would always end up in a tragedy. So be it, then, let my life be tragic. Katulad din ng sinasabi ng ilan. Gay life has always been a tragedy in the making.

taas lahat ng fengerz ko sayo, atih! isama mo na ang fengerz ng lahat ng iba pang kashomboyan sa mundo : )

pero naisip ko lang... masyadong harsh naman ang statement na itech. but hey he hey ('ika nga ni Bernz), harsh naman din talaga ang mundo sa mga homosexuals. why not? at harsh din naman ang ibang homosexuals sa mga kapuwa nilang juding at kioms. lalo na pagdating sa usapin ng puson, este puso. for more!

"Gay life has always been a tragedy in the making..." OUCH. araguy. three points. sapul na sapul. akech. kelan nga ba hindi naging tragic ang buhay ko? lalo na ang buhay-pag-ibig ko? hay hay hay. aray.

2006-03-10T19:38:00.000+08:00

paano kung nagahasa ang mahal mo sa buhay?
hindi ba't masakit?
walang kasing-sakit?
aalamin mo pa ba kung saan siya hinalikan?
kung gaano katagal naglapat ang kanilang mga labi?
kung saan-saang parte ng katawan siya nahawakan?
kung paano hinimas ang binti, ang braso, ang dibdib, ang labi... na dapat ay para sa iyo?
aalamin mo pa ba kung ilang beses na naglabas-pasok ang demonyo sa katawan ng pinakamamahal mo?
aalamin mo pa ba?
dadagdagan mo pa ba ang sakit na iyong nadarama?
kakayanin mo ba?

Happy Women's Day

2006-03-08T23:12:00.000+08:00

"Anybody who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without the feminine ferment"

~ Karl Marx

Yosi

2006-03-06T19:50:00.000+08:00

para kang yosi
sa bawat hithit
lalong nakakaadik

sa pagguhit ng iyong usok sa aking lalamunan
humahalo sa aking dugo nang dahan-dahan
ramdam ko ang ligayang walang hanggan

sa bawat pagdaloy ng usok sa aking katawan
hinahaplos ang bawat kalamnan
hatid mo'y init sa lamig na nararamdaman

ikaw ang kasa-kasama
sa panahong nag-iisa
sa dilim ng gabi, sa nangungulilang umaga

ikaw ang yosi
na nagbibigay-sigla
sa damdaming patang-pata

ikaw ang yosi
na nais kong laging kapiling
na sa pantasya ko'y laging kasiping
ngunit sa buhay ko'y
unti-unti ring kumikitil.

2006-03-05T14:59:00.000+08:00

ano ang silbi ng pag-ibig

na hindi maipagmalaki sa daigdig?

2006-02-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

tomboy ka ng taon! hindi ka lang nagka-jowa na nang totoo, ikakasal ka pa ngayon! tomboy ka talaga! ang haba-haba ng fingers mo, ati! este ng her mo, as in buhok sa *toot* hahaha! :D

seriously, i'm so happy for you :D finally, hindi ka na obsessed sakin. nyahahaha! ang taray-taray! *inggit ako* hehe. naunahan mo pako, hmpft! hay, ganun ata talaga. yung mga garutay at malalandi eh napag-iiwanan. hahaha!

hindi nga... i wish you lasting happiness *hugsU* and i'm so proud of you and your partner for standing up against anti-gay marriages. hala, sige... iwagayway ang bandera ng katomboyan :D

love you, A (o, walang halong malisya 'yan ha!) and advance congratulations!

***

hmmm... kapag ako ikinasal...

sa tuktok ng Mt. Apo ang venue :D

kaya kung may willing sa inyo umakyat ng 3143 meters above sea level, itaas ang paa! *lolz*

at hoy, Amelia! akala ko pa naman ikakasal ka na din!

gaga ka talaga! naloka na sana ako na 2 katomboyan ang ikakasal!

tomboy! ako naman si shunga-shunga, naniwala.

nde pa naman April Fool's Day *irap*

Someone has sent me a smile

2006-02-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

sayo na nagpadala sakin ng "smile" sa Friendster,

sabi mo, "nothing happened"
ang masasabi ko lang, MARAMING NANGYARI.
at isa na dun ay nawala ang TIWALA ko,
isang bagay na hindi na maibabalik pa.

ganunpaman, salamat sa ngiti.
pero kailangan natin nang mas higit pa roon.

2006-02-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

I close my eyes

And dream of you and I

And then I realize

There's more to love than only bitterness and lies

I close my eyes ...

I am Minnie!

2006-02-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

Which DISNEY character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Walang saysay na kamatayan

2006-02-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

Nakalulungkot... Nakakapanghinayang... Nakakainis... Nakagagalit... Nakakatakot...

...kung paanong ang napakarami sa mga Pilipino ay inaasa ang kapalaran at kabuhayan sa isang tila suntok sa buwan na pangako, higit sa lahat... sa isang GAME SHOW;

...kung bakit kailangang tiisin ng ilan sa atin ang puyat, pagod, gutom, at baho para lang magkaroon ng kakaunting salapi;

...na tila hindi lang kahirapan ang laganap sa bansa... kundi bulag na paniniwala at mapait na kamangmangan;

...kung paanong ang isang institusyon na sana ay nagtuturo sa mga tao ang siya pang naglagak sa kanila sa isang maling pananaw;

...kung paanong sa gitna ng isang trahedya ay nagagawa pang magturuan at magsisihan sa halip na tanggapin at harapin ang pananagutan;

...na alam kong lilipas ang mga araw at mababaon ang lahat sa limot sa pagdating ng isang bagong trahedya;

...na alam kong hindi pa rin matututo ang marami sa mga Pilipino pagkatapos nito.

New Year

2006-01-17T20:34:00.000+08:00

*habang nasa isang malamig at tahimik na opisina.
habang ang utak... ang puso... ay nagpapahinga.
pasintabi kung walang kuwenta :)

new year na pala.
hindi ko na namalayan.
dahil sa bilis ng takbo ng panahon
at sa dami ng ginagawa ko sa trabaho,
wala na akong panahong isipin pa ang padating na taon.
nabubuhay ako nang isang araw bawat araw.

new year na pala.
hindi ko na namalayan.
o siguro, ayaw kong mamalayan.
paano, alam kong pagdating ng bagong taon
ilang buwan na lang at 24 nako.
ayokong mag-24.
ewan ko ba, ang lapit-lapit-lapit na kasi ng 24 sa 25.
at ayokong mag-25.
pakiramdam ko, matanda nako nun.
pasintabi sa mga trenta na.

natatakot akong tumanda.
hindi dahil ayokong magka-wrinkles
o ayokong mag-ulyanin
(ngayon pa nga lang ulyanin na).
natatakot akong tumandang walang narating sa buhay.
at tumandang walang kasama sa buhay...

ano nga ba ang kinabukasang naghihintay para sa atin?

kahit sa mga "totoong" babae at lalaki,
kahit sa sinuman sa atin -
mayaman, artista, pulitiko, call center agent...
walang sigurado.

may pera ako ngayon,
sa isang araw pwedeng namumulot na lang ako ng basura.
nagsusulat ako ngayon para sa telebisyon,
bukas maaaring hindi ko na maigalaw ang mga kamay ko para makapagkuwento pa.

ano nga ba ang kinabukasang naghihintay para sa atin?
lalo na sa mga katulad ko?

nakatatakot tumanda.
lalong nakatatakot tumandang lesbiana.
dahil malupit ang mundo
lalo na sa mga taong "naiiba" sa kanila...

new year na pala.
hindi ko na namalayan.
ayaw ko nang mamalayan.
natatakot ako sa pagdating ng bagong taon
sa paglipas ng panahon
na ang mundo ay hindi nagbabago...

huli man daw at magaling...

2005-11-28T21:00:00.000+08:00

...huli pa rin!

hehe.

kebs. ang mahalaga, mabati ko ang lahat ng staff at mapasalamatan ang lahat ng walang sawang sumusuporta sa aming programa.

ang galing-galing!!! *clap clap*

2005 CMMA BEST CHILDREN'S PROGRAM

sa lahat ng pawis...

sa lahat ng ngalay na binti...

sa lahat ng gutom na sikmura...

sa lahat ng eyebags...

sa lahat ng *bembangan... (*sermunan)

kebs!

basta nanalo kami! :D

Overnight

2005-11-23T13:30:00.000+08:00

Hindi siya makatulog. Kanina pa pabaling-baling sa higaan. Tinitigan niya ang liwanag na galing sa buwan, animo'y nakikipag-usap dito. Tila humihingi ng kasagutan sa mga bumabagabag sa kaniya.

Pinilit niyang muling ipikit ang mga mata. Ngunit sa bawat pagbaha ng dilim sa kaniyang diwa, ay nanunuot ang lamig ng gabi. Ang ihip ba ng hanging dala ng papalapit na Pasko ang nagdudulot ng ginaw sa kaniyang pagkatao?

Sari-saring isipin ang naglalaro sa kaniyang utak. Pilit niyang iwinawaksi. Sigurado siya. Ang mga isiping ito ang pumupuyat sa kaniya.

Gaga ka talaga! Subukan mong gawin 'yang binabalak mo at makikita mo ang hinahanap mo!

UGH! Napasigaw siya nang bahagya sa tinig ng kaniyang isip na pumipigil sa kaniya kanina pa.

Napakislot si Mel. Bahagyang umungol. Kinamot ang braso.

Dumunggol ang kaunting kaba sa kaniyang dibdib. Akala niya ay nagising si Mel dahil sa kaniyang impit na sigaw. Mataman niyang tinitigan ang katabi. Pinagpiyesta ang kaniyang mga mata sa kapayapaang kaniyang nakikita.

Si Mel. Ang kaniyang matalik na kaibigan nang halos sampung taon na. Si Mel na palangiti. Si Mel na napakarami laging baong kuwento at biro. Si Mel na punumpuno ng buhay. Si Mel na walang inisip kundi ang kabutihan niya.

Bakit niya nagagawang paglihiman?

Ilang beses niyang tinangkang gisingin ang kaibigan. May sampung beses ngayong gabi. May hindi mabilang na pagkakataon sa tuwing nakikitulog ito sa kanila. Napakaduwag niya!

Dahil idinidikta ng lipunan na maging duwag ako. O sadyang ipinanganak akong duwag?

Naiyak siya sa katotohanang sumampal sa kaniya. At tuluyang binalot ng takot ang kaniyang puso. Sa labang ito, pakiramdam niya ay wala siyang matatakbuhan. At si Mel... Si Mel na halos sampung taon na niyang tagapagtanggol ay maaaring hindi na kumampi ngayon sa kaniya...

At tuluyang mawala...

Napalakas ang kaniyang pagluha... Pupungas-pungas na bumangon si Mel at bahagyang nagulat sa nakitang pag-iyak niya.

O, Lyn... bakit?! Ano'ng problema?

Walang boses na lumabas mula sa bibig niya. Bagkus ay napuno ang buong silid ng kaniyang takot na panaghoy.

May kalahating oras din yata silang nagyakap. Ramdam na ramdam niya ang mapagkalingang init na nagmumula sa mga bisig ni Mel.

Patawarin mo'ko, Mel... Patawad...Hindi ko ito pinlano... Nangyari nang kusa. Naramdaman ko nang bigla...

Dahan-dahang iniangat ni Mel ang kaniyang luhaang mukha. Ayaw niyang tumingin sa mga mata ng kaibigan. Ipinikit niya ang basang-basang mga mata. Nahihiya siya... Natatakot... Naduduwag sa katotohanang maaari niyang masalamin sa mga mata ng kaibigan... Nanlamig siya... Hanggang halos mamanhid ang kaniyang buong katawan...

Ngunit ano itong init na naramdaman niya? Napakislot siya. At sa pagmumulat ng kaniyang mga mata, nasilayan niya ang kagandahang matagal na niyang iniingatan sa kaniyang puso... buong pagmamahal siyang ginagawaran ng isang napakatamis na halik.

Wag kang matakot, Lyn... Sabay nating harapin ang kinabukasang naghihintay sa'tin. Humawak ka sa'kin. Hawakan mo ako nang mahigpit. At 'wag kang bibitaw. 'Wag kang mangamba. Mula noon hanggang sa susunod na mga gabi at muling pagsikat ng araw, kakampi mo ako...

Never My Love

2005-11-15T18:35:00.000+08:00

You ask me if there'll come a time
when I grow tired of you...
Never my love,
never my love.

You wonder if this heart of mine
will lose its desire for you...
Never my love,
never my love.

What makes you think love will end
when you know that my whole life
depends on you?

You say you fear I'll change my mind
I won't require you...
Never my love,
never my love.

How can you think love will end
when I've asked you to spend your
whole life with me?

~ Don and Dick Addrisi

2005-10-27T00:42:00.000+08:00

No one falls in love by choice,
it is by CHANCE.

No one stays in love by chance,

it is by WORK.

And no one falls out of love by chance,
it is by CHOICE.

*****

so true, noh? :)

You'll Be Safe Here

2005-10-12T16:00:00.000+08:00

Nobody knows
Just why we’re here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Wherever you will be
So too shall I be

Chorus:
Close your eyes
Dry your tears
‘Coz when nothing seems clear
You’ll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You’ll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

Chorus:
When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything’s unclear
You’ll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You’ll be safe here

When no one understands
I’ll believe
You’ll be safe,
You’ll be safe
You’ll be safe here

Put your heart in my hands
You’ll be safe here

~ Rivermaya

*for my babyBoi... palangga guid ta ka :)

useless but interesting facts :)

2005-10-06T19:50:00.000+08:00

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (Oh... this one's useful, I think :p)

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. (Ma-try nga! hehe)

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. (Ooh!)

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. (This should really try hehe)

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. (Interesting!)

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes. (I have eight!!! Nyahahaha!)

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. (Hindi pa ba kasama ang Nokia dito ngayon?)

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground loor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second was William Jefferson Clinton. (Hahahaha!!!)

Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Wish I could do that, too! lolz)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. (So ants can jump??? Wow!)

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. (Err, don't wanna grow that old anyway)

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. (Eh ung Sunken Garden sa UP, bakit nagsi-sink din? Tsaka di ba dapat "Sinking Garden" ang ipinangalan dun? Nyahaha!)

A snail can sleep for three years. (Whoa! Tinalo ako! I can only sleep for two days straight! Hahaha!)

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. (SCARY!!!)

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left handed.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would tand seven feet, two inches tall.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (Buti na lang humans can. Kung hindi, kawawa naman kaming lesbians. Hahaha!)

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow. (Haha! You bet!)

portraits

2005-10-04T16:00:00.000+08:00

my ever loving hubby made South Park portraits of moi. thought it would be fun to share 'em with you :D

hey baby, ang lungkot naman ng eyes ko dito hehe

sweet noh? hihi

and these are the portraits I made of myself...

high school days... I was a CAT officer :D

chillin' out at our house

nagmamaganda lang!

pormang Iska

opis atayr

tomgurl... bagay ba ako maging butch? :D

kapag dadalaw ako kay NV sa isteyts hekhek!

kapag ikinasal nako nyahaha!

3 Things...

2005-09-28T19:20:00.001+08:00

my dear dear hubby, here's my response...

Three Things You Didn't Know About Me

1. i have a "thing" with escalators. i dunno if you can call it phobia, but i cannot go up or down an escalator if i stand on the left side (actually, going up is "easier" hehe). i feel like i'll topple and roll down the esacalator any moment if i'm not standing on the right side. it takes me an abnormally longer time before i could actually launch my foot on the escalator steps. i have to let three steps pass before i could set my foot. and worse, i get a little panicky when there are alot of people behind me waiting for their turn on the escalator (lalo na sa mrt ayala! wag kayong magtulukan, paksheyt kayo!!! lolz)

2. i really really wanted to join "Little Miss Philippines" when i was a little girl. oh, yes... now, i'm Little Ms. Tomboy! hahaha! hekhekhek! harharhar!

3. i'm an OC (obsessive compulsive) when it comes to my things. i'd know it when you touch my things and disarrange them, even if you only touch one item from how i originally kept it. (my sister knows this very well lolz) so you better think twice if you wanna get something from my things without my permission. don't you dare.

now i'm tagging Jayme, kwekz, and velvet. have fun sharing, gurls :)

If A Child...

2005-09-21T17:20:00.000+08:00

If a child lives with criticism,

he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.

-- Author Unknown

Oyayi

2005-09-21T16:40:00.000+08:00

halika sa aking tabi

damhin ang yakap na mahigpit

punumpuno ng pag-ibig

sa lamig ng hangin

sa iyo'y magkukubli

huwag mangamba, anghel kong munti

sa dilim na hatid ng gabi

sapagkat sa mga bituin

ikaw ay ipaghehele

sa liwanag ng buwan

ikaw ay may kanlungan

himbing na anak

sa aking oyayi ng pag-ibig

sa umaga, sa iyong pagmulat

naghihintay

ang isang magandang bukas...

~ Summer Fire

*****

sa unang pagkakataon,

ikaw ay nahimbing sa aking mga bisig.

o, anong ligaya ang iyong hatid...

I Buried My Nephew on Christmas Eve

2005-09-15T02:35:00.000+08:00

Note: Got this from a friend's e-mail. He said that this came from a bulletin on Friendster. Hope you find time to read the whole article.

Sunday, December 26, 2004 5:47:00 AM

Subject:
I buried my nephew on Christmas day...

Message:
This is the most painful Christmas day for me yet... At four o'clock in the morning, on Christmas day 2004, my father woke me up and said we had to bring my sister to the hospital. I asked why and he told me she just had a miscarriage.

Putting on a pair of used jeans and a jacket, I went to the livingroom and found my sister sprawled on the kimi with blood oozing down her legs... her skin was pale and her breathing heavy. My dad, brother-in-law (my other sister's husband) and I brought her to the Veteran's Memorial Medical Center. My brother-in-law carried with him a shoebox and told me that the baby was inside. While the nurses were checking for my sister's blood pressure, I had an urge to open the box and take a look at the fetus. I was surprised to see a developed fetus, not possibly less than 20 weeks old, obviously pre-terminated on purpose. I immediately showed nurses my discovery and they proceeded to question my sister about what medicine she took to abort the baby.

She didn't deny it anymore... she took a popular drug called "*******" (I've had old friends and students who took the drug specifically for abortion... and I've asked my aunt who's an OB-Gyne about it as well a few years ago). She took one pill and placed one into her ******. Very effective combo if you really want to flush out an unwanted baby... very lethal if you combine it with other drugs... which in the case of my sister was very much apparent.

At the time, I couldn't think of getting angry towards my sister. All I could think of was that the baby should have been mine... at least he would have had a fighting chance of being born alive, a fighting chance of experiencing life outside his mother's womb... It was so painful for me, taking him out of the newspaper he was wrapped in, wrapping him in an old scarf, holding him with my bare hands hoping that maybe somehow he could still be saved.

I prayed to the Lord that morning, just as the sun was about to rise... I asked him why He gave the child to my sister instead of me... I cried until exhaustion and pain overwhelmed me.

As painful as it was, my dad gave the child for me to bury as "his mother is not worthy of him..." I gave him a name, Samuel... we made a small casket out of a shoebox and transferred him to an old box I had, more decent looking than the old shoebox. My other sister as well as my brothers, my parents and I prayed over him and sprinkled his body with holy water. In his make-shift casket, we gave him a small infant's shirt and a feeding bottle with breastmilk (my other sister is still breastfeeding to her four-month old son), an old driftwood I picked up from Dingalan, Aurora last summer that I kept as a charm, and my dad's lucky stone. We buried him in garden soil, collected inside an old ice box. As much as I wanted to give him a decent cemetery burial, society won't accept him because he was aborted. The hospital won't give him a death certificate. The funeral parlor turned me away. (Sheesh, I can't believe that Filipinos can be this narrow-minded and inhumane!)

Tomorrow, I am going to plant grass and flowers on top of him, inside that old ice box... he will be with me when I move on as he is now mine... as he should have been.

My sister will be staying in my house when she checks out of the hospital... can't do anything about that as my parents are living with me and they wanted to confine her where they can see her... as for me, I don't think I can live under the same roof with her... not anymore. It's just not the same... She did this to her own son... and she did this knowing that our parents will be there for her, catching her where she falls, and, once again, her responsibilities are assumed by someone else.

I refuse to live with this again... and so I will leave... I will leave with my children and Samuel. I will spread the word about how he had died and how irresponsible, insensitive and inhuman this kind of abortion is... unwanted pregnancies from irresponsible sex is no licence to kill.

presenting Kahlil Nikolai

2005-09-08T20:20:00.000+08:00

one hot momma! este, PROUD nanay :)

parehong matalino!

(also read as: "parehong malapad noo!" hehe)

ang hairline! josko!

kahlil: "antok nako pektyur-pektyur pa rin!"

kahlil: "hay, nanay ko! anong petsa na?"

summer: "sandali lang anak. ngiti ka lang."

*****

KAHLIL

Gender: Boy

Pronunciation: kah-LEEL

Origin: Arabic

Notes: Famous poet Kahlil Gibran

Variants: Kahleil, Kalil, Kahlil

Meaning: "Friend"

NIKOLAI

Gender: Boy

Origin: Greek

Related names: Nicholas

Popularity: The name Nicolai was not ranked among 1219 first names for males of all ages in the 1990 U.S. Census. The name Nicolai ranked 14806 out of 88799 (Top 17%) as a surname for males and females of all ages in the 1990 U.S. Census.

Meaning: "victorious people" (Nicholas); "winning"

Notes: Biblical: one of seven "qualified men" in the first-century Christian congregation. Saint Nicholas (fourth century) is known as the patron saint of Greece and Russia, children, scholars, sailors, and pawnbrokers, and (via his Dutch name, Sinte Klaas) the original Santa Claus. Five popes and two emperors of Russia have borne the name. Nicholai, Nicolai, Niklos are Slavic forms; Nickolaus, Nikolaus are German; Nikolai is Polish, Russian; Niccolo, Nicoli, Nicolo are Italian; Nikolos is Greek. Theatre director Nikos Psacharapolous; Dicken's novel "Nicholas Nickleby"; actors Nicholas Cage, Nikolas Grace, Nicol Williamson; composer Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov; political philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli.

mom-to-be

2005-09-05T20:10:00.000+08:00

i'm having jitters. no, not wedding jitters (i just wish so, hehe). my son-to-be will be arriving tomorrow. yes, you've read it right. i will be a mom! his name is Kahlil Nikolai. yeah, i love Encantadia and i named him after Alena's (Karylle) son :)

i love kids. and i believe kids love me, too ^-^ and i really am excited!!! *jump jump* but at the same time, very very NERVOUS!

my Tita said he's fair-skinned (i'm morena!), has cute aquiline nose (mine's pango ugh!), and curly hair (my hair's kinda wavy now after a series of layered haircuts, hehe). but i still wonder alot how he actually looks like. but one thing is for sure, no matter how he looks, he will be dearly loved.

oh, thinking back... never did it crossed my mind that i will be a mom at this age. hmm, kinda early for my standards. hehe. but i don't really care about that anymore. my concern now is how to give this sweet little angel a happy and beautiful future knowing his biological parents can't give him a comfortable life (this makes me nervous the most).

oh well... whatever happens, i know that we will be the coolest mom and son pair in the whole wide world!

Buti pa ang libro may appendix...

2005-09-01T16:30:00.000+08:00

ako, WALA na.

yes yes show! hindi po kayo namali ng basa. ang lola nyo ay isa ng operada. hanggang ngayon nga, hindi ko matanggap kung bakit ang isang napakaliit na bagay (about 10 cm) eh nagdulot ng matinding sakit at paghihirap at napakalaking gastos sakin.

i've always had that attack - painful tummy, vomiting, LBM. noong una, hyperacidity lang ang sentensiya. papaano, mahirap talagang maging normal ang lahat kapag nasa media ka. ang pagtulog, paggising, pagkain, at takbo ng buhay mo, abnormal. paminsan-minsan, pati yata ang takbo ng pag-iisip ko :p at dahil naging normal na sakin ang pagiging abnormal, kebs na ang pagsakit-sakit ng tiyan/sikmura (hindi ko na nga talaga alam kung saan nanggagaling ang sakit). iinuman lang ng pain reliever, kinikeri na, work mode na ulit.

until came that fateful day...

july twenty eight, twenty O five. around seven in the morning. pagkatapos kong kumain ng agahan sa opisina, inatake na naman ako ng pagsakit ng sikmura na sinabayan ng pagsusuka at LBM. dedma. feeling ng lola nyo, kaya ng powers nya kaya kayod pa rin. kaya lang, sinabayan pa ng mala-ice age na singaw ng aircon ang samu't saring sakit na nararamdaman ko kaya itinaas na ang puting bandila. nagsabi nako sa superiors ko na uuwi na. mga bandang 11:00am na nun.

pero hindi ako dumiretso ng bahay. nagpasya akong wakasan na... ooops, hindi ang precious life ko ha, kundi ang matinding paghihirap. hehe. went to the hospital, instead.

rewind rewind muna... last june, inatake na rin nang sobrang tindi ang lola nyo kaya may-i-sugod na rin kami sa hospital nun. sa resulta ng blood test, may infection na daw ako sa dugo kaya pinayuhang magpa-admit at magpa-ultra sound to see kung tama ang hinala nila na appendicitis na nga ang problema. pero dahil nagmamaganda, dinedma ang doktor. paano kasi, nawala ang pain after tumungga ng pampahilab. and for more pagmamaganda, pumasok pa sa trabaho.

and so, after more than a month, natuloy ang bitay...

feeling ko, na-rape ako ng 3 beses. well, feeling ko lang naman. eh filingera naman talaga ako *lol* unang insidente ng panghahalay... kailangan ko raw magpa-TRANSVAGINAL ULTRASOUND, maliban sa whole abdomen at yung ultrasound for appendicitis. importante raw yun to see my insides better. trans-va-gi-nal... hmmm, tunog pa lang, pinagpawisan nako nang malamig. hindi naman ako ako T, as in capital TANGA, para hindi matunugan na they will have to insert the instrument through my you-know-what! UH-OH... nginiiiig to the bones ang lolah nyo. tapos na ang maliligayang araw ng pagiging "Huling (Lesbianang) Birhen sa Lupa". nyahahaha!

at para lalong pabigatin ang sentensiya - ang doktor na mag-uultrasound... isang napakalaking MAMA, as in LA-LA-KI [na malaki talaga for 5 feet 6 inches plus plus (sa tantiya ko), compared saking nagpapanggap na 5 feet haha!] mala-rock star pa ang pagka-long hair ng lolo nyo with matching white highlights courtesy of old age. and for more special effect, balbas sarado pa itowh! parang gusto kong tumakbo palabas ng ultrasound room. pero may magagawa pa ba ako? wala namang ibang available na doktor that time kundi siya kaya't pikit-mata ang lola nyo na naghubad ng pantalon at undie nang utusan nang, "hubad!". and the rest is history... (soundtrack ng buhay ko noon: tell me where it hurts now, baby...)

ikalawang insidente ng panghahalay... syempre, pinagpalit ako ng hospital gown bago kami pumasok ng OR. hubad lahat ng damit at underwear maliban sa panty. pero ang maganda, paggising ko... hospital gown na lang ang suot ko! saan napunta ang undie ko??? and for more, para 'atang nashave nang slight ang chorva ng lola 'nyo! toink! haaaaay... sana lang, babae ang nurse na gumawa ng lahat ng 'yun. huhu...

ikatlong insidente... ikalawang araw ko sa ospital. nahirapang jumingle bells ang lola nyo. so kelangan daw ako lagyan ng catheter. another uh-oh! i heard, masakit yun at doon na naman sa you-know-what papadaanin ang tubo. at sa swerte ko talaga, hindi ako nagkamali... ARAAAAY! at umagos ang luha kasabay ng pag-agos ng wiwi sa catheter... (pasensya kung mejo gross lol)

akala ko, magiging normal na ang lahat pagkatapos matanggal ang laman ng apdo ko. pero hindi pa rin pala. dapat, makalalabas nako ng hospital ng Linggo, but no! lalo atang nagdrama ang apdo at labasan ng wiwi ko. ang sabi ng doktor, epekto raw ng general anaesthesia na itinurok sakin nung operation. so i had to stay for another day for observation. at ang verdict... kelangang malagyan ng polycatheter (permanent one, yung una kasi ikinabit lang then tinanggal din agad after mailabas ang urine).

and so, pikit-mata ko na namang hinarap ang kalbaryo ng pagkakabit ng catheter... crayola na naman tuloy ang drama ng lola nyo. wala pa, ngumangawngaw nako (ng slight lang naman hehe), expecting the pain. pero nagulat ang byuti ko nang wala akong naramdaman pagkapasok ng catheter sakin! vakeeet??? *esep-esep* pero maya-maya, wala pang limang minuto eh dahan-dahan nang gumapang ang kirot sa chorva ng lola nyo! maigas! hanggang nararamdaman ko na pati ang sakit sa puson ko (o, bawal madumi ang isip ha! huh!) hanggang sa crayola to death na ang drama ko. AS IN! ngawa kung ngawa! kebs sa mga kasama ko sa kwarto. nakita ko nga naiyak ang kapatid ko. ang mama at papa ko, nataranta nang slight kasi sumisigaw na ang lola nyo na tanggalin na ang catheter. at parang kinakatay na baka sa pag-crayola. pero ano raw ang magagawa? eh ganun talaga raw hanggang hindi lumalabas ang wiwi.

but no! maya-maya lang, nafeel ko na ang pag-agos ng wiwi. pero hindi sa catheter, kundi sa likod ko! pakingsheyt! it turned out, mali ang pagkabit ng catheter. %&*^%$##@*!!! how b*b* can these nurses get (na later on eh nadiscover kong interns pa lang pala)? hirap talaga sa mga ospital natin dito sa Pinas, may sakit ka na nga gagawin ka pang guinea pig! sheyt talaga! sheesh. considering na private hospital na yung ospital ko na yun. geezwiz...

hemingweyz, ok naman na ang lola nyo ngayon. sabi ko nga, alive and pagiling-giling! hahaha! sa awa ng Diyos, balik trabaho agad after 2 weeks. kailangang kumayod dahil walang pambiling lip gloss lol at eto nga, kagagaling lang Dagupan at Baguio :)

lesson learned from the experience... wag magpanggap na birhen! nyahahaha! *rotflmao*

ay basta, ang mahalaga ay nagbalik nako. kahit bcbchan nga lang. hehe. will post more relevant article next time lolz

Ang Pagbabalik...

2005-08-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

BAAAAACK!!!!!

you favorite blogger (ehem! LOL) was absent for 3 weeks coz she was operated and needed 15 days of rest at home after that. yes, you've read it right. she was OPERATED. but unfortunately, it wasn't a sex transplant as you think it was. hahahaha! will tell you the whole story in the next post. for now, she sends her hello's, halers, and chorvas to everyone who misses her. she missed all of you, too *hugs*

*****

on a not-so-serious note... lol

haaay... miswa ko na rin itong blog na itech :( pero hey hey hey! ('ika nga ni berns) back with a vengeance ang dramamuchi ng lola nyo everloo. mala-Darna, "Ang Muling Pagkabuhay" itowh! haha! hosha, sa susunod na entry na lang ulit at marami pa akong work. inuuna ko na naman ang blog blog na itowh. hay! hehe

vavush! see yours when i see yours! ;p

selfish me

2005-07-28T05:30:00.000+08:00

somebody once told me that i am selfish. well, i think she is right (at certain times, but NOT all the time). i have this tendency to yearn for everything. because i want to be happy, i am not aware that i am hurting somebody. which is NOT right, i know. it's wrong to desire to have everything 'coz we may end up having nothing. lucky me, that (losing everything) hasn't happened to me ~~yet~~... oh dear Lord, i hope i won't go through that hell *crossingMyFingers*

Ulan

2005-07-08T01:10:00.000+08:00

Rainy Day

I do not like a rainy day.

The road is wet, the sky is gray.

They dress me up, from head to toes,

In lots and lots of rubber clothes.

I wish the sun would come and stay.

I do not like a rainy day.

~ William Wise

Noon pa man, hindi ko na gusto ang ulan.

Noong bata pa ako, bihirang-bihira akong makalabas ng bahay. Bawal. Magagalit ang nanay at tatay ko. Madali raw kasi akong masugatan. Madadagdagan lang daw ang mga peklat ko sa binti. Pero hindi naman ako lampa. Kaya nagkakasya ako sa paglalaro ng lutu-lutuan nang mag-isa. Kinakausap ang sarili ko habang nakatanaw sa mga batang mahaharot na naglalaro sa harap ng aming tindahan.

Isang himala para sakin kapag pumayag silang lumabas ako ng bahay at makipaglaro sa iba pang mga bata. Pakiramdam ko, para na rin akong dinala sa Jollibee. Ang saya-saya-saya!

Kaya kapag tag-ulan, lalong nalulungkot ang bata kong puso. Lalong nawawala ang pag-asang makalalabas ng bahay para makipaglaro. Bawal din ang maligo sa ulan. Madumi raw ang tubig na galing sa bubungan. Sa isip-isip ko, tama nga naman. Kapag tumatanaw ako sa bintana sa itaas namin, bubungad sakin ang bubong ng kapitbahay na puno ng dumi ni Muning.

Simula noon, ayoko nang nababasa ng ulan na galing sa bubong ng kapitbahay. Pero paano ko ba iyon iiwasan kung dikit-dikit ang mga bahay sa aming tirahan? Kapag umuulan at kailangan kong lumabas, hindi ko na maiiwasan ang kahit isang talsik ng tubig na galing mula sa bubungan.

Pero kahit na nalagpasan ko na sa pagtanda ang diri sa pagkabasa ng ulan na galing sa bubong, ayoko pa rin ang ulan.

Dahil wala naman kaming sariling sasakyan, napakahirap dati para sa akin ang pagpasok sa eskwela. Na lalong pinapahirap ng ulan. Naglalakad ako nang malayo papunta sa sakayan ng dyip. At bago pa ako makarating sa sakayan, kailangan nang isampay ang suot kong damit. Wag na rin pag-usapan ang mahabang pila para makasakay at ang mas mahaba pang trapik. At dahil kailangan kong dumaan sa bayan papunta sa sakayan, hindi rin papahuli ang mga putik.

Ngayon, bakit ko nga ba gugustuhin ang ulan?

Lalo na kapag nalalaman kong marami ang nawawalan ng tahanan at ng mga mahal sa buhay minsang mapalakas ang patak ng ulan. Marami ang nauulila... marami ang nangungulila.

At hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit kakaibang lungkot ang hatid sa akin ng ulan. Sa bawat buhos ng tubig mula sa langit, kasabay ay ang tila pag-agos din ng lumbay sa aking dibdib. Sa bawat patak ng mga butil ng ulan, kasabay ay ang nakabibinging katahimikan... katahimikang lumulukob sa akin at nagpapaiyak sa damdamin.

Bakit nga ba kapag umuulan, ang paligid ay dumidilim? Bakit ba ito nagdudulot ng masasamang pangitain? Bakit ba kasabay nito ay ang pag-ihip ng malamig na hangin? Bakit tila isa itong kartero ng hindi mabubuting balita? Bakit nga ba naghahatid ang ulan ng hindi masasayang alaala?

Ulan, ano ang meron ka? Bakit kapag ikaw ay nariyan, napapawi ang saya?

*****

Ang aking damdamin
pinaglalaruan ng baliw at ng ulan...
Sinong 'di mababaliw sa ulan?
~ Rivermaya

*****

Ulan

Halika, aking mahal

tayo ay magtampisaw

magsayaw

sa ilalim ng buhos ng ulan

Ating saluhin

ang buhos ng pag-ibig

ating yakapin

ang bumabahang pagtingin

Huwag kang matakot, mahal

sa lakas ng hangin

sa lamig ng ulan

pagka't sa aking pag-ibig

ikaw ay may kanlungan.

~ Summer Fire

Crazy

2005-06-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

nakababaliw daw ang pag-ibig. akala ko dati, hindi. pero nagkamali ako.

dahil binaliw ako ng pag-ibig mo... at ayoko nang magbalik sa katinuan...

Out and Proud

2005-06-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

walang lihim na hindi nabubunyag.

marahil tama nga ang kasabihang 'yan. o malamang, dahil na rin hindi ko naman talaga itinago sa kanila ang katotohanan.

bulaklak. cake. stuffed toy. pabango. damit. sapatos. paano nga bang hindi iisipin nina Mama at Papa na may "espesyal" na relasyon sa pagitan naming dalawa kung regular akong pinadadalhan ng isang taong kontinente ang pagitan sa akin? sino nga ba namang nasa matinong pag-iisip ang hindi mag-iisip ng malisya kung halos gabi-gabi na lang ay may long distance call para sakin? lahat galing sa kapuwa ko babae.

naalala ko nung una kong ipakita sa magulang ko ang mga larawan na galing sa "kaniya". NR (no reaction) ang nanay ko. ang tatay ko naman, isang "guwapo ah"-sabay-hagikhik ang pinakawalan. sabay pahabol ng, "babae ba 'yan? babae 'yan diba?" na dinugtungan pa ng pinsan ko ng, "parang tomboy naman 'yan!"

ang sagot ko? "tomboy nga" sabay tawa :))

alam kong alam na nila 'yun. sabi ko pa nga sa mga kaibigan kong nagtatanong, "matatanda na 'yung mga 'yun noh. malamang alam na nila. pero never naming pinag-uusapan. never din naman nila ako tinanong." mga karaniwan ding salita na maririnig mo mula sa isang "out but not so out" na lesbianang katulad ko. kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "out but not so out" (naimbento ko), 'yun 'yung mga tipo na kahit kailan ay hindi umamin nang diretsa sa magulang nila pero alam nilang alam naman ng mga magulang nila. ang press release ko dati kina Mama at Papa, nanliligaw pa lang. pero sigurado nga akong alam na nila 'yun.

nasa kolehiyo pa lang ako noong unang beses akong mahiritan ng tatay ko tungkol sa pagiging lesbyana. nakakatawa nga kasi hindi pa naman ako "nambababae" ng mga panahong 'yun. pinag-uusapan kasi namin ang tungkol sa panliligaw. sabi nya, wag daw ako paliligaw sa daan. mas maganda raw kung dadalhin ko sa bahay (tulad ng karaniwan na ring sasabihin ng iba pang mga magulang) pero nagulat ako nang biglang humirit nang, "pero ang pagkakaalam ko dito kay Summer, tomboy eh." toink! nawindang ang byuti ko. pero mas nawindang ako sa sumunod na sinabi nya, "pero mas ok na nga yun eh. para mag-uwi na lang kayo ng mga babae dito." kaloka ang tatay ko!

at hindi iyon ang huling hirit ng tatay ko.

habang tinitingnan (ulit) ang isang picture ng ex ko, "mukha naman 'tong buksingero. hindi ka kaya bugbugin nito?" (ngisi-ngisi) "basta ba wag kang sasaktan eh, ok lang..."

habang nagkukuwentuhan kami isang sabado ng hapon sa tapat ng tindahan namin, kasama ang ilang kamag-anak (nakalimutan ko na kung ano ang topic at kung bakit napunta sa ex ko ang kuwentuhan), "sabagay, guwapo naman. mukhang lalaki nga lang talaga. yung si *** (ka-on ng nakababata kong kapatid na babae) maganda rin 'yun eh. mahaba nga lang ang buhok."

sabay tanong ng, "tomboy rin ba yung si ***? kapag kasi andito yun sa bahay nakikita ko sila ni G** (kapatid ko), nagkukurutan eh" na sinagot ko ng, "oo, tomboy rin 'yun noh." hala, sige! ibuking ko rin daw ba ang kapatid ko.

sa isang kuwentuhan ulit, "naku, paano ba ako nito magkakaapo... mga anak ko, puro tomboy!" toink! muntik na akong mabilaukan.

isang beses pa, kinuwento sakin ng kapatid ko na tanong daw ng tanong si Papa kung tomboy 'yung isang kaibigan ko na pumupunta sa bahay noon (na tomboy nga naman talaga pero hindi naman masyadong halata). bakit nga ba nya iisiping lahat na lang ng babaeng pupunta sa bahay ay tomboy???

nagtapat na rin ako sa isa kong pinsan. si Ate Jen, simula't sapul ang pinakamalapit saking kamag-anak. dati kasi siyang natira sa bahay. at alam ko, hindi niya ako itatakwil kahit na ano pa. alam kong "cool" lang siya sa mga ganung bagay. natawa nga ako nung una akong umamin sa kanya kasi bigla ring nagkuwento na may nanligaw rin daw sa kanyang tomboy dati. buhay nga naman.

kahit kailan, hindi rin naman ako direktang tinanong ng mga magulang ko tungkol sa bagay na 'yun. hindi ko alam kung dahil ba keber lang talaga sila o natatakot silang harapin ang katotohanan. nakakatakot nga ba talagang magkaanak ng tomboy o ng bakla?

kahit kailan, hindi rin naman ako direktang umamin. hanggang sa magkahiwalay kami ng karelasyon ko noon na nasa ibang bansa....

makalipas ang halos isang buwan na walang tawag mula sa ex ko, isang araw ay biglang nagtanong ang nanay ko, "bakit parang hindi na tumatawag si R***?" gusto ko na namang mabilaukan. pero parang kinurot ang puso ko ng mga oras na 'yun. ganunpaman, ayokong mahalata ni Mama ang totoo kong nararamdaman. sumagot na lang ako ng, "magkagalit kami eh. galit sakin." "bakit galit sayo?" "ang daming pinagseselosan hehe" tumawa lang din nanay ko. ang hindi niya alam, umiiyak ang puso ko ng mga oras na 'yun (naks, ang drama!)

pero hindi 'yun ang huling pang-uurirat tungkol kay R***. isang araw, nagulat na naman ako nang tatay ko naman ang magtanong ng tanong na 'yun. "kumusta na si R***? bakit hindi na 'ata tumatawag?" na sinagot ko nang, "BREAK na kami!" sabay ngiti. ngumiti lang din ang tatay ko.

iyon na bale ang direct pero indirect na pag-amin na ginawa ko. hindi naman ako inurirat kahit kailan pagkatapos nun. hanggang isang araw eh dumating ang pinsan ng nanay ko. inuurirat ang tungkol kay R***. sinabi kong break na kami. ang alam ko, press release ko rin sa kanya dati eh nanliligaw lang ang ex ko. pero keber nako noon kung ano pa isipin nya. tutal, mabait din naman itong tita ko na 'to at kasundo ko sa maraming bagay ~~at kalokohan~~.

"alam naman na ni Mama mo eh." nandilat ang mga mata ko. "talaga? pano daw niya nalaman?" "syempre alam na nya 'yun." "ah, talaga? hehe" "si Papa mo alam na rin pero hindi pa siya sigurado." dini-deny daw ni Mama kay Papa kapag nagungulit si Papa tungkol dun. ano nga ba naman talaga ang aaminin ng nanay ko kung kahit siya eh duda rin sa kung ano talaga ang katotohanan? hay... mahirap talagang magpalaki ng magulang.

hindi kami perpektong pamilya. hindi sila ang tipong "ideal" na magulang (hindi rin naman ako "ideal" na anak). pero malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa kanila na kahit kailan ay hindi nila ako diniktahan tungkol sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay, lalung-lalo na sa kung ano ang dapat na itibok ng puso ko. at dahil dun, ipinagmamalaki ko sila.

*kelan lang ay umamin na rin ako sa kapatid ko. hinihintay ko na lang din na umamin siya sakin : )

OUT!

2005-06-06T20:35:00.000+08:00

this entry was sent to me through e-mail. it's sooooo funny! :D and i thought about my younger sis. hehe. galing daw ito sa isang blog pero hindi nakalagay sa e-mail kung ano'ng blog address ng original author. have fun!

1 GAY + 1 GAY = 2 GAYS

Itechiwa ang first entry ko ever so congratulations to me. Kagabi, rumampa kami ng mga friendiva ko sa Malars (Malate). In fairness, 48 years na ren naman since the las time na umatak ako sa Malars dahil bisi-bisihan ang lola 'nyo sa workikay ever. Maaga akez na nakarating, mga around 11. Excited? Anyway highway, mga 12 na nang dumating si Rica(Richard) at siClaudine (Claudio). Kararating nga lang pala ni Rica dahil nag-fly ever si bakla sa Singapore at nag may-I-visit siya sakanyang long distance dyowa na narsisa, si Lucas. As usual ang mga badingerzie eh "paminta" mode na naman kagabe. Ewan ko ba? Pero yon talaga ang kultura sa Malars, mas mukha kang menchuseh mas wagi ka. Well, naglolokohan lang naman talaga ang mga badinggerzie dahil lahat ng utaw doonchie e mga halamang-dagat talaga. . . malansa . . . pula ang hasang.

Nagchismisan muna kami at super spot ng mga menchus. Na-sight namin si Duke. Hottest na hottest pa ren siya as ever at kras na kras ko pa ren siya. Pumintig na naman ang puriit ng lola 'nyo ever! Mga 1 na nang umatak kami sa isang bar. Hay naku, wag 'nyo nang alamin kung anung namesung ng bar pero front lang ang pagiging bar niya dahil sa second floor eh may "dark room" na super hadahan ang labanan. Drinkaloo lang kame ng beer ng sligh-slight. Nandun si Duke sa bar at sheeeeeet, hindi ko na naman mapigilan ang sarili ko... di ako makapakali ever, para akong uod na binudburan ng asin. "Mommy, I feel wet!" na naman ang drama ko. Pero learn 'nyo na, torpedo naman kasi ang lola 'nyo kaya hindi makuhang karirin si Duke. Eh super gawsh naman kasi nya noh at sa naman kasi nya noh at sa itsura kong 'to eh Monumento at Baclaran ang pagitan namen. Haaaaay. Hindi naman ako super chaka, keri-keri na, pero naman kasi yung mga nagiging karir ni Duke eh mga hottest din. So, ang lola 'nyo malamang eh magiging "thank you girl" lang in thelong run.

Nagdecide na akez na pumanik sa second floor after 3 bottles, karir mode na dahil eyni momentz eh andyan na si Sandra at dadautin na naman ang beauty ng mga badinggerzie, kaya habang maaga eh go lang ng go.

Hindi tinatawag na dark room ang second floor dahilwala lang.Infairness, dark talaga siya. Tapos majinit kasi superdamingbadinggerzie ang nagsiksikan para humada at magpahada.So enter naman ako, dahan-dahan. Pa-demure effect. Nakakatatlong hakbang pa lang ak oeh may may-I-grab na ng isang menchus ang juwet ko. Naloka naman daw ako. Deadma. Hindi ko bet ang atak niya.

Nakipagsiksikan akey maski sobrang jinit at kakaiba ang ikmel na parang pinaghalu-halong cologne, pabango, pawis at pati na ren siguro ang mga shumodstra na nagkalat. Tapos may-I-sit ako sa isang corner. Sa kanan ko eh may dalawang naglalampumchingan. Hear ko ang bawat higop. Hahahahahaha. Sa kaliwa ko naman ay may bagets. Even though hindi ko siya talaga ma-sight dahil super dilim nga, pero feeling ko sa katawan eh bagets nga. Tapos hinawakan niyang dahan-dahan yung binti ko. Nanginginig pa nga. Enjoy naman ako dahil bagets itu. Tamis-tamisan at higit sa lahat eh linis-linisan. Hindi nakuntento ang bagets, itinaas niya ever ang himas niya sa notralba ko tapos bumulong siya saken. Ask niya kung okay lang daw. Sabi ko naman, okay lang. Why not?

Pero naloka ako ng slight nung una dahil merong something sa voice niya. Learn na learn ko yung voice na 'yon, promise! Parang gusto kong tumambling mula doon hanggang Luneta nang na-feel kong kakaiba ang bagets ko. Ginetching ko agad yung nyelpi ko sa bulsa at inilawan ang fez ng bagets, hoping na mali ang feelings ko. Pero 'nung na-sight ko nga ang fez ay hindi ko alam kung tatambling na ba ako o sisigaw na lang ng Darna! Si Nick, ang shofatid ko! Nagulat siya 'nung na-sight niya rin ako tapos tumayo agad siya tapos bumaba. Follow the leader naman akez hanggang makalabas kami ng bar. Tinanong ko siya kung anu ang ginagawa niya doon at sabi niya eh nagkaayaan lang daw silang magbabarkada. Promise, so very Sharon Cuneta at Judy Ann Santos ang eksena naming dalawa at mega talak ako sa shofatid. Naloloka ako sa fact na nasa dark room ang shofatid ko at ang mas super nakakaloka pa dun ay muntikna akong hadahin ng sofatid ko! At ang super-mega-over nakakaloka dun eh malamang badinggerzie din ang kapatid ko! Sinung veklus ba naman ang hindi maloloka sa eksena da'vah?

Pina-fly ko na siya ng balay at doonchie na lang kami mag-uusap dahil hindi ko na rin kinakaya ang eksenang may mga utaw nanakakasight sa'ming dalawa. Bago kami umuwe eh tinalakan naman ako ni Rica at Claudine. Sabi nila, hindi raw dapat na mawarla ako dahil veklus nga ang shofatid ko. Ang kinaiinis ko lang eh, how come I didn't see it coming? Baket sa ganitong eksena pa magkakaalamanan? Hindi naman sa witchelles ko bet na maging veklus ang shofatid ko but the thing is, baket hindi niya pina-learn sa 'ken para may guidance from the older sister. Learn ko naman na harsh talaga ang buhay vek-vek. Sana man lang nga eh nalaman ko da vah? Pero pramis until now eh hindi pa ren kami nag-uusap ni Nick. Kasi hindi ko alam kung anu ang ibebersa ko sa kanya. Jiniisip ko ren kung pano kapag na-learn ng mudra namen itu. Dalawa langang junakis niya, parehas luluki, pero parehas namang badinggerzie. Now, hahayaan ko munang magg-subside ang shock effect. Pero sooner orlater, I have to confront my veklus na shofatid about this. Good luck sa lola 'nyo!

*****

well, it is not really easy to COME OUT. it is a fact that homosexuality is not yet generally accepted in Philippine society. maraming mapanghusga at incriminating na tingin ang maraming Pilipino sa mga homosekswal. kadalasan, ang sarili pang pamilya ng isang bakla/tomboy ang unang-unang hindi makatanggap sa kanya. na sadyang nakakalungkot isipin. napakahalaga ng pamilya bilang support system sa isang tao, bakla/tomboy o straight man siya. buti na lang ako, hindi nagkaroon ng problema sa pamilya ko tungkol sa gender preference ko.

marami na ring curious cats ang nagtanong sakin kung paano daw ba ako nag-out sa pamilya ko. lalo na kapag nalalaman nilang tanggap ako ng pamilya ko. paano nga ba? that i will share with you in my next post ;) ta-tah!

If I Could...

2005-06-06T12:50:00.000+08:00

hey babyboi, your wish is my command ;)

If I could be in one place right now, I'd be in Seattle, wrapped around my babyboi's loving arms. I would love to be locked in her arms forever... :)

If I could give something of myself to my babyboi, it would be my soul. My life is in her hands now.

If I could take my babyboi for a romantic rendezvous, hmmm... *naughty thoughts* Can I keep this one a secret between us? Bwahihi :p

If I could make one dream come true, that would be to finally have world peace (Ms. Universe ang dating! Nyahahaha! But that's serious, really)

If I could do real magic, I would transport my babyboi back here right NOW. I always pray for the waiting to finally end. I would like to start my life with her NOW NA! :D

Now fellow bloggers, it's your turn to do your If-I-Could versions...

Jayme

Bubwit

Meckulit

Kisles

Peanut

*****

And here's another blog chain from Bubwit :) If I Could Be...

If I could be the President of this country, I would make lesbian and gay marriages legal. Do I need to expound? lol

If I could be a bird, I'd fly million of miles to be with the gurl I deeply love, NOW NA! :D

If I could be a painter, I'll paint the world with the colors of rainbow. Hehe!

If I could be a singer, I'll sing songs of love that could change people's hateful and greedy hearts.

If I could be a teacher, I'll teach them to fight discrimmination.(Ang chummy everloo! Haha!)

Tell us what you think, too... :)

Arrah

Kwekz

Pink

Patsy

InvaderZim

Bala

2005-05-23T20:55:00.000+08:00

Pasado alas-otso na ng gabi. Halos 12 oras na siyang nasa opisina. Hindi naman lahat puro trabaho. May ilang oras din siyang ginugol sa pakikipagkwentuhan sa ilang kasama sa trabaho. Ilang oras pa sa pagbabasa ng e-mail at blog ng ilang kaibigan. May panahon ding baguhin ang Downelink at Friendster account niya. Matagal-tagal na ring hindi nababago yung profile page. Time for changes. Ganunpaman, pagod na rin talaga siya.

Maka-ilang ulit din niyang binago ang treatment ng istoryang isu-shoot niya bukas. Pasaway kasing mga kausap yung mga kausap nila ng researcher niya. Papalit-palit ng desisyon. Masakit na ang ulo niya. Masakit na masakit. Umiikot na paminsan-minsan ang kaniyang paningin dulot nang kalahating araw na pagkababad ng mga mata niya sa harap ng monitor ng computer. Dumadaing na rin ang kalamnan niya sa paa. Oo, nakaupo lang naman siya halos maghapon, pero nanuot yata nang husto ang lamig na ibinubuga ng airconditioning ng opisina. Naninigas na rin ang daliri niya sa kanang kamay. Pakiramdam niyan magkaka-carpal tunnel syndrome na siya. Sosyal! Kung anu-anong sakit na ang iniisip. Pero ang leeg at balikat niya, masakit na rin talaga!

Sana andito siya para makasama ko sa tanghalian. Hindi sana ako nalilipasan ng gutom dahil lang sa wala akong kasabay sa pagkain. Sana andito siya para sumundo sakin sa trabaho. Sabay din kaming kakain ng hapunan sa isang restaurant. Pareho na kasi kaming pagod para magluto pa siya sa bahay (Hindi naman pwedeng ako ang magluto dahil bukod sa pagod na pagod na nga ako eh hindi talaga ako marunong magluto. Hehe!)

Sana andito siya para sa pag-uwi namin sa bahay eh may magmamasahe sa nanlalata kong katawan. Hindi na kailangang kasing-galing pa ng mga masahista sa spa. Ang mahalaga ay nararamdaman ko ang bawat haplos niya. Ang mainit niyang mga palad bunga ng pagmamahal namin sa isa't isa. Sapat na 'yun para mapawi lahat ng pagod. Sapat na ang mga ngiti niya para maalis ang mga sakit na nararamdaman sa katawan. Sapat na ang isang halik para magkaroon ako ng lakas.

Umalingawngaw sa kaniyang isipan ang isa sa kaniyang paboritong awitin. Hindi na kailangan ang casette o cd player para lang manamnam niya ang kanta.

At tumalon na tayo sa bangin

magpasagasa pa tayo sa tren

paputukan man tayo ng baril

dahil 'pag kasama ka

hindi ako tinatablan

ng bala...

Sigurado siya... Sa sandaling dumating na ang pagkakataong magkasama sila ng kaniyang mahal, wala ng kahit na anong sakit na kaniyang iindahin.

*I'm just here bebekoi, patiently waiting for your homecoming...

Providence

2005-05-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

ikaw: o, ano na? kamusta?

ako: eto, maganda pa rin. nyahahaha!

ikaw: ;)

ako: bwahihihihi! :D

ikaw: nakita ko yung pics nyo ni 888, ah. is there something is should know? :)

ako: nyak, wala noh! lol wala yun, maigas! (sige, deny pa...)

ikaw: nakow ayaw pang umamin!

ako: eh wala namang aaminin eh. hehe. (tatamaan nako ng kidlat)

ikaw: sige, sabi mo eh. so kamusta na ang lovelife?

ako: ha? ano yun?

ikaw: paluin kita dyan eh.

ako: tagal... lolz

ikaw: so ano na nga? sino na ang bago mong karir?

ako: wala akong bagong karir. sila lang ang nangangarir sakin. (kapaaaaal ko talaga! lolz)

ako: bwahahahahaha! (bawiin sa tawa lolz)

ikaw: lol

ako: chorva lang! :D (pero mini-mean ko talaga yun. ALAM ko talagang maganda ako! sa korte na pumunta ang gustong kumontra! lolz)

ikaw: so, sinu-sino naman yang MGA nangangarir sayo?

ako: nakow wag mo na alamin. wehehehe!

ako: wala akong karir pero meron akong kras. (flirty mode ON)

ikaw: talaga? at sino naman yang napakaswerteng yan?

ako: ayoko nga.... sikwet! lolz (go Summer! go!)

ikaw: sows! sikwet-sikwet ka pa dyan! share mo na daliiii

ako: wala ka bang idea kung sino? (fishing...)

ikaw: umm wala eh. sabihin mo na kasi.

ako: ganito na lang... bibigyan kita ng 3 chances para hulaan. game? (ay, sows! very elementaristic and highschoolic itowh!)

ikaw: sus papahirapan pako eh.

ako: eh sasabihin ko naman kung tama eh ;)

ikaw: si 999?

ako: nope

ikaw: si 444?

ako: nyak, hindi noh! maigas!

ikaw: si 222?

ako: waaaaa ano ka ba? sabi na ngang hindi ko nga gusto yun diba?

ikaw: eh sino na nga? pinapahirapan pako eh.

ako: wala ka ba talagang idea? (ang tanga naman... naman!)

ikaw: wala nga.

ako: hmm... sige na nga. sabihin ko na nga.

ikaw: ?

ako: si... feeling ko nga sobrang obvious nako eh. gawd!

ikaw: ? <--- sige, magpaka-tanga mode ka pa! kainis!

ako: ikaw...

ikaw: :pop eyes:

ako: ...ikaw ang naive na tao sa mundo. (biglang kabig! nyahahaha! nahiya din! lolz)

ikaw: oh ok... lol eh wala nga akong idea eh. <--- pero ito ang pinaka-naive (o ta*ga? hehe) sa lahat. sheesh... hindi pa rin na-gets???

ako: haaaaayyyyy.... sheesh. you really don't know kung sino?

ikaw: hindi nga. sabihin na kasi.

ako: taga-Peyups din.

ikaw: talaga? sino naman dun? <--- grrr! akala ko matalino ka? lolz

ako: ikaw nga!

ako: IKAW!

ikaw: :pop eyes:

ako: *blush*

*****

Sabi mo sa akin, hinding-hindi mo na makakalimutan ang pag-uusap na yan. Nakatatak na sa puso't isip mo (kahit pa nabura ang memory ng pc mo at nawala lahat ng laman ng archive ng YM mo, noong nagcrash ito kamakailan). alam mo bang nakaukit na rin yan sa aking pagkatao? Hindi ko man maalala na ang lahat-lahat ng pinag-usapan natin ng mga oras na yun.. ang mga eksaktong salita at biruan. Ang mahalaga ay laging sariwa sa aking isipan ang sandaling iyon... ang kilig... ang hindi mapawi-pawing ngiti sa aking mukha (at alam kong sayo rin)... ang saya...

...Marami nang nangyari matapos ang pag-uusap na 'yun. At hinding-hindi ko pinagsisisihan kung bakit ba kinapalan ko ang mukha ko noong mga oras na 'yun upang umamin sa'yong gusto kita (hindi ko pa nga sinabi noong "gustung-gusto").

Tanong ko sa'yo noon, "Kung hindi ba ako umamin noon sa chat, ipu-pursue mo pa rin ba ako?" Ang sagot mo, "Alam mo, may mga bagay na mangyayari at mangyayari talaga dahil nakatakdang mangyari? Naniniwala ako na tayo ay pinagtagpo. Ibinigay ka sakin ng Diyos para tapusin na ang pagdurusa ko..."

At sabi nga, "Nothing ever happens by chance... Everything is Providential. Nothing is accidental."

Pero kung isa kang aksidente, nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos na ako ay napahamak.

Bahaghari

2005-05-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

Ano nga ba ang nasa dulo ng bahaghari? Narito nga ba ang palayok na punumpuno ng ginto? Narito nga ba ang pangakong kaginhawaan?

Ayon sa siyensya, ilusyon lang ang bahaghari. At wala talaga itong hangganan. Ngunit para sa mga batang pusong katulad ko, ang bahaghari ay isang napakamahiwagang tanawin pagkatapos ng ulan… kabigha-bighani… kahali-halina…Wala pa akong nakilalang hindi gusto ang bahaghari. Sino nga ba ang hindi namangha sa kanyang taglay na kariktan?

Ngunit, nasa dulo nga ba ng bahaghari ang palayok na puno ng ginto?

Ako, nagtagpuan ko sa bahaghari ang kaligayahan. Pinuno niya ng kulay ang aking mundo. Binigyan niya ako ng buhay, ng sigla, ng kakaibang liwanag. Sa bahaghari ko nabuo ang aking pagkatao. Hinatdan niya ako ng isang kayamanang hindi nauubos… ng kaligayahang hindi nagtatapos.
Noon ko napatunayang walang dulo ang bahaghari, walang hangganan. At wala ngang palayok na punumpuno ng ginto. Sapagkat ang yaman niyang taglay ay higit pa sa anumang materyal na bagay.

*****

Sa kanyang ganda, ako ay nabighani. Sa kanyang hiwaga, ako ay namangha. Nahuli niya ang puso ko at walang pasubaling binihag, upang hindi na kailanman pakawalan. At ako’y nagpaubaya. At bukal sa loob na nagpatali sa kaniyang tanikala...

*****

Salamat, Bahaghari sa pag-ibig na iyong hatid.

*****

*The rainbow flag has become one of the most widely used and recognized symbols of the gay pride movement. The concept of the rainbow is hardly a new one. Rainbows have used since ancient times in all kinds of cultures- Greek, African, Native American and Celtic, to name only a few. Even Jesse Jackson's Rainbow Coalition has made use of the rainbow has a freedom symbol.

A follow-up article about lesbian symbols will be posted soon ;-)

for HER

2005-05-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

you may tell me that i don't love you... coz i never really told u as often as others would. you may tell me i don't care for you, coz never did i give you flowers or even greeting cards on your birthdays or take the time to prepare food for you when you're sick.

you may never know coz you somehow often fail to hear beyond words and look beyond direct actions...

this is me...and i'm sorry if i fall short of your personal criteria of what a good person should be. sure, i may seem to be unloving. but if you really think of me that way, maybe because you just don't really know me. you just don't really see the real me...or even try to go at a certain length to know the real me...

i know i am not the best girl alive. but i know that i am a child you should not be ashamed of. i hope that you realize that.

there are things that still need to be settled. issues that need to be faced. i hope i'll get the courage. we may not be the ideal, but i don't want US to remain in this brokeness.

but whatever it is that's not right for now still does not overshadow all your sacrifices for us, all the affection you have showered us. and so, i wanna thank you through my own little way...

haPpy MOTHER'S DaY!

parang kapatid ko lang daw sya. lolz
nanay ko talaga filingera, parang ako! nyahaha!

isa pa! isa pa! ibang ngiti naman. bwahihi!

mga adik sa pektyur pektyur! lolz

* HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY also to all the other mothers out there! :-)

writer's block

2005-04-26T10:45:00.000+08:00

tonight, i have written the worst scripts ever.

i have two stories to write and yet, i can't get started. the right words just won't come out.i've almost memorized all the buttons on my keyboard. have stared at it for more than 30 minutes. my eyes have seen circles and oblongs and doodles of different colors on my pc screen. my mind's like a blank screen.

they call it the writer's block.

such a good excuse, huh? but i think (no, i'm SURE) it was just because i haven't transcribed my tapes yet. tsk tsk. bad. bad. i need a good spanking, a really good spanking. naku, ikaw Summer kapag hindi ka nagtino, tatamaan ka ulit! wapak!

i know i should put a stop to this bad attitude towards work. you see the thing is, i have not been transcribing my tapes on time. this makes it doubly difficult for me to write my scripts. i have no guide. but then since i have always gotten away with it (with flying colors... ehehehe!), meaning i was still able to produce A+ scripts (which rated high! *thunder, lightning* lolz), it became a habit. a very bad habit.

and now, it has taken its toll on me. my scripts tonight really sucked. no need to elaborate.

*looks at my phone* so i had to stay in the office until this late (thought i'd be home and sleeping by this time. sigh...) and gave me a good reason to blog. ugh. what a sweet sweet reason to blog.

ok, ok. so i have an excuse. had a shoot first thing in the morning with Mrs. Mikee Cojuangco-Jaworksi for our Mother's Day episode on May 7. oh, she really is an angel. haaayyy... nakaka-tibo. shet. hehe. and so, i wasn't able to TC (time code-slash-transcribe) my tapes in the morning which i usually do. but then my conscience tells me, "hoy, Summer! you should have transcribed your tapes yesterday, ok? knowing you have a shoot today, you should have waken up early to TC all your a*s!!!"
fine... fine... twas my fault. twas my being lax. the more appropriate word here would be...laziness!

so what did i get now? 2 crappy scripts that needed total revision. UGH.

*****

and so to lessen the crappiness of this night, thought i'd share some advice for anyone who feels attacked by that WB monster.

R - RELAX... the more you worry, the harder it is for your better thoughts to come out. breathe. take a small break. walk. stretch. eat. drink. talk to someone.

E - EXPERIMENT... try to do something different, like use a pen and a paper instead of putting your thoughts straight to your pc. listen to a different kind of music (for people who like it with a background song while writing). think of a topic that you never wanna write about. and who knows? by doing so, you come up with an interesting point to tackle.

A - ASK for help. why not? two heads are better than one [ sometimes :) ].

D - DIVERT... focus your thoughts on another aspect of what you wanna write. or on another topic or story. don't squeeze off all your orange juices. try your grapes.

black sky

2005-04-22T20:55:00.000+08:00

no moon
no light
no stars
to light my night

darkness
fills my senses

emptiness
eats my being

cold wind
gives me shivers
and monsters
which crawl under my bed

where are you
my moon
my light
my star

where are you
to give light?

***yeah... Summer's fire is extinguished for now....

i'm 21!

2005-04-11T20:55:00.000+08:00

with BJ aka "Tolits" at Lovely Day cubicle ngayon-ngayon lang. hehe

happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me... happy birthday, hapy birthday... happy birthday to me!

yes, i just turned 21 at exactly 7:35 this morning :D haha! sorry guys, i stopped aging and decided to be 21 all my life. so walang pakialamanan, ok? :P

*****

maraming-maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga kaibigan kong nakaalala at bumati. napansin ko lang, mas marami ang bumati sakin ngayon kesa last year, hmmm... oh well, ang importante eh napatunayan kong marami naman palang nagmamahal sakin. hehe :)

*****

SKL, Pasko ng Pagkabuhay (Easter Sunday) noong ipanganak ako. hmm... wonder what does that mean? and after ilang years, last year lang din ulit tumapat na Easter Sunday ang April 11. kelan kaya ulit?

*****

sabi kanina ng marami-rami ring tao (uhmm, basta more than 1 kaya "marami-rami" na yun! lol) na nakasalubong ko, blooming daw ako *wide grin* dahil daw ba birthday ko? napaisip tuloy ako, errrr, kapag ba birthday mo nagiging blooming ka? ganun ba yun? ehehe. ah basta... ang mahalaga, maganda daw ako (ngayon)! wehehehe! (wag nyo na lang pansinin yung pix sa taas. sira kasi camera kaya pangit ako dyan! nyahahaha!)

*****

bakit ba kailangang maghanda kapag birthday??? waaaaa!!! 'di ba baliktad na mundo ngayon? ang may birthday na ang inililibre, dava? dava???

*****

dear Papa,

i wanna thank You for giving me another year for me to be able to fulfill my purpose/s in life. thank You for giving me this chance to correct all the mistakes i've done in the past. thank You for bringing me to life and having been able to experience Your love and other people's affection. thank You for showing me how beautiful it is to live on this earth despite the many pains and heartaches this (sometimes cruel) world gives me. and thank You for all the many blessings that you continue to shower on me kahit na (minsan) isa akong pasaway na anak. I Love You. Amen.

homosexuality=perversion?

2005-04-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

perverts anyone?

as i browsed through Kitomo's blog, i read her post about someone asking her out in an orgy. someone messaged her in Downelink asking her to join the girl and her bf in you-know-what. i also have experiences like that before. maybe some of you have read my entry before about men and women alike asking me out to do some monkey business, sending me messages through Friendster and inviting me to do some tralalah with them (unfortunately this entry vanished into thin air when i changed my blog template, along with a number of entries pa. hay. blogger do suck at times.)

anyways, a friend told me it's my fault. my default pic is kinda inviting daw. errr yeah... i guess it's slightly my fault. ehehe. but then, i know for a fact that a number of narrow-minded, discrimminating pigs, i mean heterosexuals, look at homosexuals(especially gay guys)as sex-hungry monsters.

this thinking, that gay men and lesbians are perverts, can be rooted form religious beliefs - considering sexual intercourse between a man and a man and between a woman and a woman a SIN and an aberration. these so-called "sexual conservatives" call for punitive consequences for homosexual behavior ranging from social censure and counseling to so-called reparative therapy and even death in certain theocratic forms of government where Church and State still remain as one entity, for example Iran and Saudi Arabia.

lesbians and gay men have been murdered, subjected to gross human rights violations, or otherwise persecuted under various jurisdictions, most notably by the Nazi regime. persecution of lesbians and gay men is also common in conservative Islamic nations such as Saudi Arabia, where gay men have reportedly been beheaded, or forced into therapy. the Taliban regime in Afghanistan reportedly murdered lesbians and gay men by burying them alive. prior to the repeal of laws regarding lesbians and gay men as criminals, persecution was common in many Western countries, such as the United Kingdom and the USA. lesbians and gay men were frequently imprisoned and/or forced to undergo barbaric treatments such as chemical castration, forced sex changes and electroconvulsive therapy.

Oscar Wilde

take these examples. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), an Irish poet and dramatist whose reputation rests on his comic masterpieces Lady Windermere's Fan(1892) and The Importance of Being Earnest (1895), was a married bisexual with children. his life and soul was crushed for being a homosexual. in a governmental sociopolitical legal move, his life was ruined, destroyed, taken from him by the courts which found him guilty of homosexuality, and therefore imprisoned him for two years at hard labor.

John Atherton (1598-1640), Bishop of Waterford and Lismore, was hanged in Ireland for sodomy under a law that he had helped to institute. Hhis lover was John Childe, his steward and tithe proctor, was also hanged.

i remember this real life incident. a friend of mine once told me this funny yet sad story about her lesbian friend, "Maria". Maria has a lover and her mother found out about it. one day, her mother went to Maria's college and angrily cursed all of Maria's orgmates, thinking that these orgmates are all gays or maybe influencing her daughter to be a gay. and she shouted with all her might, echoing accross the whole college, "kayo, mga bakla at tomboy kayo! layuan nyo ang anak ko! ipapagamot ko kayong lahat! ipapaospital ko kayo!!!" shocking, eh? funny? maybe. at first thought, maybe yes. but on the second thought, it really is saddening how people tend to think that homosexuality is a disease. sabi nga ng isang joke, "if homosexuality is a disease, could we tell our boss that we are going on sick leave because we are gay/lesbian?"

verbal discrimmination through hate speeches are also rampant against homosexuals, which at worse, is aimed at inciting physical violence or "gay bashing". even the Holy Bible is used against homosexuals. some translations of the Old Testament have been used to justify the punishments given to gays. AIDS was said to be a punishment from God for lesbians and gays. (but in fact, as of 2005, The United Nations report says that more heterosexuals have AIDS than homosexuals, in a global scale.)

during the 20s and 30s (just as was the case in Biblical times), men who focused upon other men for romantic and erotic involvement's were branded with evil images -- images that a hateful society created.

another root cause of negative perceptions about same sex relationships is the belief that sex acts which are conducted for reasons other than reproduction are immoral. homosexual sex acts, because they do not contribute to biological fertilization and pregnancy, are often condemned on these grounds. the idea that homosexual couples cannot produce children is also a frequent objection to same-sex marriage.

naalala ko din tuloy yung tatay ko (although this story is not against homosexuality). one time he just bursted out (i can't remember the real topic of the conversation, though), to my shock and amusement, "ano ba 'to? pano naman ako magkakaapo? parehong anak ko, tomboy!" you see, my younger (and ONLY) sister is also into homosexual relationship.

going back... as homosexuality has been placed under bad light mainly by religion, historically it has been linked to other sexual behaviours such as pedophilia (does "Michael Jackson" ring a bell?)and even serial murders. homosexuality was listed in psychological manuals as one of many sexual disorders, and many attempts were made to treat it.

other psychologists, anthropologists, and criminologists in the 1960s and 1970s also believed sexual repression as one of the root causes of homosexuality. harshly saying that public repression of homosexuality will increase the number of gay men and lesbians. homosexuals were stereotyped by anti-gay groups as sexual perverts and criminals.

laws which punishes gay acts also add to the burden of gays and lesbians. gay groups complain that the mere existence of the law is enough for the police and anti-gay groups to brand gays and lesbians as "perverts" and "lawbreakers". they argue it is discriminatory and stigmatises gays and lesbians leading to abuse of gay people in their community.

nakakakulo din ng dugo how the media represents gays and lesbians. they also catalize the stereotypes made on homos. isn't it ironic how they are one of the instruments of advocacies for homos and at the same time, a medium of discrimmmination and condemn against the same group? sa internet din, nagkalat ang mga porn sites which show lesbians and gay men as sex maniacs. and even movies portraying sex acts between homos as purely based on lust, lust and lust alone. na kapag nanood ka eh hindi ka na actually malilibugan. mandidiri ka na lang, unless maniac ka din katulad ng mga producers at publishers ng mga porns na ito.

but then, we could only blame the anti's to a certain point. i must say homosexuals also have their part on this. kung ikaw nga naman eh isang konserbatibong Katoliko at makakita ka ng isang baklang rumarampa sa kanto na halos kita na ang kaluluwa sa suot na pekpek shorts at niyayakap-yakap lahat ng lalakeng nakatambay sa tindahan, ano nga ba ang maiisip mo? o 'di kaya ng isang tibo na halos lumuwa ang tingin sa malulusog na dibdib ng maganda ninyong kapitbahay habang sinisipulan ito, ano ba ang magiging tingin mo sa kanya?

many times, homosexuals have been involved with crimes related to passion. ilang stories na nga ba ang nabasa natin sa diyaryo, narinig sa radyo, at napanood sa tv na ang mga kriminal ay mga bakla/tomboy? (but then, we know that these cases are isolated ones compared with those het perpretrators.)

sadly, there are those kinds of homos. just as there are heteros like that. and maybe even worse. BUT, no one could be the judge. and no generalization should be made.

masakit pa rin isipin na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin maunawaan at matanggap ng lipunan natin na maaari ngang magmahal nang tapat at totoo ang isang lalaki sa kapuwa nya lalaki at ang isang babae sa kapuwa nya babae. and i must say that it is UNFAIR for people to think about homosexual relationships as based on lust... that gays and lesbians could not love, as straight men and women do. because as i've seen and experience it, homosexuals as very passionate lovers. and i wouldn't trade my being a lesbian to anything. kahit umulan pa ng isang milyong Brad Pitt o Pierce Brosnan ngayon.

back from HK

2005-04-01T20:10:00.000+08:00

i'm back! whether you like it or not, Summer Fire is home! :D

got back last saturday, march 26. our plane landed manila at around 11 pm. ambilis ng byahe actually. i heard, we're about 15-20 minutes early than our scheduled time of arrival. paglapag ng eroplano, nasabi ko sa sarili ko, "back to reality na... tapos na ang panaginip...." hong kong really seemed like a dream to me. parang superficial lahat ng nangyayari when we were there. i guess, dahil sa dami ng ginagawa, hindi masyadong nagsink sakin na nasa ibang bansa ako (maliban na lang sa pagkasuya ko sa chinese food after our first night there. sige na, sige na... prolly many of you will tell me na chinese food is one of the best food in the whole world, pero ano ngayon eh sa nasuya ako eh?)

anyhoot, i'm not gonna tell you stories about my HK trip. not yet. i'm sorry po sa mga gusto nang makabasa ng mga kalokohan ko dun, but i'm too busy pa po with all my bora scripts for airing :c after this week, hopefully mas maluwag na sched ko. i hope i could catch up with my entries soon.

*****

nga pala, my phone crashed days before i left for hk. unfortunately, all my contacts (since 2003) were stored in the phone memory. and so, i lost them all huhuhu....

now i'm asking you to please send me your numbers para naman ma-update ko yung phonebook ko, please? napapagod na rin akong magtanong nang magtanong sa lahat ng nagtitext na hindi registered ang number sakin. my number's the same by the way.

at para madagdagan ang kamalasan... i don't remember my memory card's password anymore! napu-frustrate nako since Monday when i got my phone from the Nokia Service Center. gusto ko nang itapon pati ung telepono. maayos na nga sya and all, hindi ko naman magamit ang memory card! waaaaaaa!!! sana nga kasama na lang nasira ng telepono yung memory card para at least i know na i've lost all the data na talaga. kesa naman na alam kong andyan lang ang memory card at pwede kong magamit pero hindi ko magawa dahil hindi ko mabuksan! aaarrrggghhh!!! and i've tried all the possible passwords na maisip ko. but to no avail. sheesh. eh iisa nga lang ang pw ko sa lahat ng accounts ko eh. kaya nga nagtataka ako kung anong tinamaan ng lintik na pw ang ginamit ko dun sa letch na memory card na un! name ata ng ex ko! bwahahaha! pero hindi rin. hay.

kapag ako nainis, itatapon ko na yang teleponong 'yan. gusto nyong saluhin?

*****

i wanna thank NV nga rin pala for writing the entry "The HK Connection". yep, sya po nagsulat nyan for me kasi hindi nako nagkaroon ng time sumulat ng entry before we left for hk. and yep, sa kanya po nanggaling ang mga katagang "gorgeous" at "sizzling hot". hindi po sakin *lol*

*****

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY everyone!

The Hong Kong Connection

2005-03-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

The gorgeous and sizzling hot Summer Fire will be away for 5 days on her first ever trip abroad.

The destination: Hong Kong

Like any first time traveller, Summer Fire looks forward to the fun experience of tasting the cuisine and enjoying a good number of tourist spots Hong Kong is known for. She can't wait to experience the enchantment and mystery of being in another country. Surely she shall share every detail of her trip as soon as she returns in time for the Easter celebration.

Finally, she extends her warmest wishes to everyone for a truly solemn lenten celebration.

Nightbird

2005-03-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

Nightbird by Kalapana

fly on through the night wind take a star to her for me
please wisper i love her make her wait for me
here it seems so cold now how i wish her arms around me
soar nightbird of love tell her wait for me

cause you have wings you know i let you go
almost every night
but lonliness can dull the shine
of even the bright moon light

night bird fly on, fly on
night bird, sing her my song

oh before you leave take this band of gold with you
and if you can find her tell her i am true

cause you have wings you know i let you go
almost every night
but lonliness can dull the shine
of even the bright moon light

night bird fly on, fly on
night bird sing her my song

*this song never fails to make me cry... cry hard... *sighs* kahit nasaan ako, kahit anong oras, at kahit sino pa ang kasama ko... take this recent instance... we were at a hotel lobby (during our shoot last week in Boracay), waiting for our other crew, when this song was played. gulat yung PUM ko (na unang nakakita sakin) at yung iba pa naming mga kasama kasi i suddenly burst into tears. sheesh. ganun, walang pinipili. nakakahiya. mukha akong tanga dun na bigla na lang umiyak. my knees felt weak and i couldn't contain my tears. tang*na talaga! (oh pardon me!) UGH... oh, dear Lord please spare me... :(

kainis talaga when something or someone could just make you cry like that. yung tipong wala kang control. nakakainis. nakakinis!!! nakakainis how things or people who are out of your life now (or you want to be out of your life already), could still affect you that much. paksyet! *rant rant rant*

My Zodiac Sign

2005-03-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

You are 87% Aries

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

TRADITIONAL ARIES TRAITS (MARCH 21 TO APRIL 20)

Adventurous and energetic

Pioneering and courageous

Enthusiastic and confident

Dynamic and quick-witted
Selfish and quick-tempered

Impulsive and impatient

Foolhardy and daredevil

The spring equinox, March 21, is the beginning of the new zodiacal year and Aries, the first sign, is therefore that of new beginnings. The young ram is adventurous, ambitious, impulsive, enthusiastic and full of energy. The Arian is a pioneer both in thought and action, very open to new ideas and a lover of freedom. They welcome challenges and will not be diverted from their purpose except by their own impatience, which will surface if they don't get quick results. Aries subjects are courageous leaders with a genuine concern for those they command, but they will not hesitate to use their subordinates to obtain their own objectives as leaders.

As followers they can be troublesome, for they are apt to be immoderate in act and expression. They may be unwilling to obey or submit to directions for which they can see no reason, or with which they disagree. They are much concerned with self, both positively and negatively - self-reliant but also self centered and concerned with their own personal advancement and physical satisfaction to the point of greed.

Their immense energy makes them aggressive and restless, argumentative, headstrong, quick tempered, easily offended and capable of holding grudges if they feel themselves affronted. As the first sign in the zodiac, you, as an Arian (as you are referred to), is to simply “get something started and lead the way.” The Sun in this zodiac position gives your will free rein to express itself. You could be doing this in the form of some leadership role, or by forcing others to look at themselves in a new way. You can accomplish this by knowingly carrying out a deliberate act in the name of some cause that moves you. A negative effect of this sun sign is that you could sometimes unknowingly make it hard for others to relate to you, as you really are. In their personal relationships Arians are frank, direct and candid, and make enthusiastic and generous friends.They are liable to have a high sex drive and make passionate but fastidious lovers.

There is, however, a negative side to their associations with other people. They can easily be irritated by slowness or moderation in their companions and, though themselves sensitive, ride roughshod over the sensitivities of others. The intensity of their sexual urges can drive them to promiscuity and a Don Juan-like counting of conquests of the opposite sex. It can also trick them into early unwise marriage which may end disastrously. It is preferable to be aware of your pioneering spirit and not disregard it. For in acknowledging it you not only enjoy life more, but you avoid being pushed around by others.

Your nature is usually push or be pushed, with little middle ground. This can at times be objectionable to others, but you must have the freedom to act, rather then just thinking about it, getting pent-up in the process. At all costs you need to avoid negative emotions such as resentment, regret and self-pity, for they would deny you what is essential to your nature: straightforwardness. Mentally Arians are intellectual and objective, but can be bigoted and extremist in religion and politics. They are good champions of lost causes and last-ditch resistance. They are quick-witted but sometimes foolhardy and over optimistic, lacking thoroughness and the ability to evaluate difficulties in the undertakings into which they often rush impulsively.

The great need of Aries natives is to exercise an iron self-control, to discipline the qualities and tendencies of their character to the advantage, not the detriment, of the society in which they move. As an Arian, you like a challenge that will stir you to action. This challenge may just be frustration; or at a more controlled level, you may have clear direction and know what or whom you’re fighting for. If your direction is not clear, then ask yourself and listen to your inner voice. You will come up with an answer.

An Arian without a direction in which to go, or a without a cause to fight for, would be against your nature and make you more a “sheep” then a ram! Arian, do not be afraid to be forceful, for this is the very core of your nature. If you feel fear in your heart, then look for a history of negative events in you personal history, such as violence or abuse from others. Being fearful may also indicate a household in childhood that negated independence and personal initiative in you. This could have inhibited your natural urge to go forward into life as the leader and champion you were born to be. Conversely, such bad influences could also have led you to be overly forceful, or to be unsympathetic to your own need and sensitivity. You make good athletes and climbers, doctors, explorers (of new ideas as well as uncharted territory, the latter in these days including adventuring into outer space), soldiers, sailors and airmen, and leaders, though awkward subordinates, in industry and politics.

Much as you are the Ram, there is still the little lamb in you, which means that at times you would attain your goals more easily by gently giving in without resistance to the demands of a given social situation, rather than getting your horns entangled in something larger and more powerful than yourself. This is a talent akin to knowing the difference between what you can change, and what you cannot. This of course takes patience, the acquiring of which is definitely your greatest achievement, along with your sense of your own inner softness.Possible Health Concerns... Aries governs the head and brain, and Arians are said to be prone to headaches, particularly migraines, sunstroke, neuralgia and depression. Indigestion and nervous disorders are also threats to you, and your rashness, impetuosity and wholesale physical commitment make you liable to accidents and physical injuries. You like extremes. Physical, emotional and mental, and benefit profoundly by experiencing them; but if your extremism goes too far beyond social acceptability, then expect to be extremely lonely.

LIKES
Action
Coming in first
Challenges
Championing Causes
Spontaneity

DISLIKES
Waiting Around
Admitting Failure
No opposition
Tyranny
Other peoples advice

Some Famous Arians

Charlie Chaplin (April 16, 1889)

Marlon Brando (April 3, 1924)

Bette Davis (April 5, 1908)

Thomas Jefferson (April 13, 1743)

Adolf Hitler (April 20, 1889)

The animal associated with you sign is this noble looking RAM. The Ram first appeared in Egypt, alternating with a goose's head as the symbol of Aries; its origin is a mystery. The Egyptians associated the Ram as Armon.
Whose name means hidden one.

This also represents the creative spirit that resides within the seed of the human race.

Greek myth. Associated Armon with Jupiter,

and also with Jesus Christ.

The color of choice for aries is RED.

Your ruling planet is MARS. Mars represents life, initiation, passion, and creative energy.

Your starstone is the precious DIAMOND. The diamond is considered the greatest of stones, revered throughout the ages for its great beauty, and strength, and also for its powerful positive spiritual and physical influences. The diamond is said to enhance the wearer with charm and beauty. Physically it strengthens the kidneys and reproductive organs and gives protection in severe disease. The ancient Romans believed that the diamond, when worn on the left arm, next to the skin, would give the wearer bravery and daring. During the Middle Ages Queen Elizabeth I was given a diamond to ward off the plague.

Cagayan de Oro Extreme (Part 1)

2005-03-10T15:50:00.000+08:00

*note: this article is long overdue. i should have post this weeks ago but i wasn't able to finish it. i was also waiting for the pictures to be scanned so i could upload them here. got no digicam yet so i have to have the pix scanned first but then, i always forget to bring them whenever i go to an internet shop. oh well... i'm posting this article already without the pix. err, i haven't scanned them, yet. ehehehe. could someone do it for me? lol i'll post them SOON. maybe tomorrow ;) or maybe on Saturday. i'll find time, promise!

february 9, 2005

i survived.

no, i did not joined GMA 7's reality show, Extra Challenge. well, i just thought i did... :)

imagine yourself about 12 stories up in the air, and the only thing supporting you is a metal bar two inches wide that's shaking in the wind. you move to step on the next little bar but you are distracted by what you see below... a 120-foot drop to the forest floor. can you feel it now? that's how i felt (worsen a hundred times) during my first few minutes at the CANOPY WALK in Misamis Oriental.

from Cagayan de Oro City, it took us (me, the Lovely Day Staff, and De Oro Mountain Explorer peeps) about an hour drive to reach the lush rainforest of Magbais in Claveria, a town in MO. sa sasakyan pa lang, nilalamig nako. well, bukod sa sadyang malamig ang simoy ng aircon ng umagang 'yun, nilalamig ako sa kaba. i've had enough on our first day (on Part 2, you will understand what i mean *wink*).

from the jump-off point, we had to take a 1.5-kilometer hike uphill to be able to reach the first platform (there are five platforms built on trees 100-120 feet tall). according to our guide, it will only take us about 20-30 minutes to get there. but i was pretty sure, it will double because we will be shooting Christian on the way. ironies nga naman ng buhay. nakabiyahe ka nga nang malayo at nakarating sa mga lugar na hindi lahat ay pinapalad marating, pero kailangan mo namang magtrabaho. sigh. oh well...

from the first platform, we had to slide-down rappel to be able to get to the 2nd deck. waaaaaa! parusa talaga ang first steps kahit kelan. i was sweating cold. felt like i was about to take a final exam without even opening a single page of my notes. hmm... think it's closer to THAT feeling when you hear a very URGENT call from Mother Nature and you're on a public transpo and still an hour away from home! bwahahahaha! yaiks! that feeling... get the picture? or let me say, i had a hundred butterflies inside my stomach. samahan mo pa ng isang daan ding larva na gumagapang sa dibdib ko! wehehehe!

but the rappel was great! after i've jumped and hung, everything else felt good. feeling ko, isa akong Mulawin na lumulipad sa himpapawid. hehehe! was even laughing at nagawa ko nang magbiro pa sa gitna ng ere. at gusto ko pang mapasigaw ng, "isa pa! isa pa!"

now, time to do THE WALK. to get from one platform to another, we had to walk on the hanging bridges made out of steel cables and two-inch stepping bars. imagine that! only TWO INCHES! just the thought gave me that shiver again and made my knees feel weak. very weak. "AYOKO NAAAA!!! sino ba nagsabing gusto kong mag-SP dito?" napasigaw talaga ako. sheesh. and all i hear was people laughing. sige, pagtawanan nyoko. pag ako nakatawid at kayo hindi, pagtatawanan ko din kayo... habang nagba-bike sa hanging bridge! bwehehehe! ok shao, dream on *lol*

even if there were two harnesses supporting me, the first steps were terrifying! no, make that double terrifying! the wind was kinda strong that day and the bridges sway with it. uh-oh... i felt like running to the next deck and hugging the tree for my dear dear beautiful life! hehe.

but then, all the tension and fright flew away with the blowing wind as i was amazed by the extraordinary forest view below and around me. for a few seconds, i was astounded. there i was standing on a gigantic tree (120plus-foot tall) and there are thousands more surrounding me! all of my fear vanished into thin air as I enjoyed the lush view of nature that's sooooo far from the city scene that i was used to. an escape. a sweet sweet escape from all the shitty things in my life. how i wished the clock would stop ticking. naisip ko, kapag yumaman ako, magpapagawa akong rest house sa tuktok ng isang higanteng puno sa pusod ng gubat. hehe.

the next steps were easy. sabi nga nila, sa umpisa lang yung kaba. once you're there, sisiw na. the longest bridge that we had to cross is about 500 meters long. ang yabang ko pa, "wala bang mas mahaba???" nyahahaha!

and really, i felt good and PROUD about myself when i finished the course. do you know that Vince Hizon and Diane Castillejo didn't make it? Vince was still Diane's co-host then in their sports program in ABS. Vince was cursing all the time while doing the slide-down rappel. when he reached the first deck, he immediately hugged the tree and cursed some more! sheesh. what a man! pa-macho-macho pa naman! hmmm... makes me think dirty, huh. know what i mean? *winkwink* lol

Diane went back there THREE times. she wasn't able to do it on the first and second time. she didn't even tried doing the rappel. what the...? she's done alot of extreme sports and she chickened out in Canopy Walk??? and like Vince, she was shouting bad words everywhere, dahil sa kaba malamang. well, Diane didn't finished the course even in her third attempt. she just stayed at the second deck and let the camera man do all the shoot up to the last deck. now, that made me feel more proud about myself and our staff. wahehehe! =p

"walang aatrasan... ituloy ang laban..."

there goes Extra Challenge's theme song. i just felt it suits me more now.

Bora

2005-03-04T00:21:00.000+08:00

wala nang tulugan...

in less than 9 hours, makakatapak na rin ako (sa wakas!) sa lupang sinilangan ng tatay ko :-) *talon talon*

me? kinky?

2005-02-24T20:45:00.000+08:00

I'm a Kinky Lesbian!

You know for sure you're a lesbian, in fact, we're surprised if you've even dated a guy!

You just like being modest, which is totally fine.

But when you find the girl of your dreams, try to let loose before YOU are cut loose.

What Type of Lesbian Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

100 Years

2005-02-24T18:14:00.000+08:00

100 Years by Five for Fighting

"Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live"

2004 was about thinking and reflecting - but isn't every year?

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

i've learned alot about life and love (especially about LOVE) last year. and i learned my lessons the HARD (harder? hardest? *lol*) way. naging isa akong MALAKING PASAWAY. naging napakatigas ng ulo ko. ano ang napala ko? eh di cardiovascular disorder! *lol* i was close to asking a psychiatrist for help. i underwent depression and thought of taking drugs (the LEGAL ones) to "normalize" my condition. and i thought i've lost my sanity for a while.

alam ko, kasalanan ko. well, malaking parte ay kasalanan ko (narealize ko rin, mas mahirap palang IKAW ang may kasalanan ng paghihiwalay ninyo ng landas ng taong mahal mo. napakahirap. andun yung GUILT. yung REGRET. naisip ko tuloy, bakit kaya nagagawa ng iba o napakadali para sa iba na gumawa ng kasalanan? o na gumawa ng isang bagay na umpisa pa lang ay alam na nilang makakasakit ng damdamin? ibig ba sabihin nun, manhid sila? pusong bato? balat-kalabaw? walang puso? walang kaluluwa? sheesh...) at itinaga ko na sa bato na hinding-hindi ko na uulitin ang pagkakamaling 'yun. i can't afford to lose another love this time. NOT THIS TIME...

Panaghoy

2005-02-23T19:04:00.000+08:00

Nais kong lumayo sa mundong ito
na puno ng hinagpis, hirap, at sakit

Gusto kong lumaya
mula sa madilim na bilangguang aking kinalalagyan

Humalagpos sa gapos
ng tanikalang bumibilanggo sa aking katawan
gapos na sumasakal, pumapatay sa aking puso at isipan

Nais kong kalimutan
lahat ng ala-alang
masakit, mapait, at sumusugat sa katauhan

Humiwalay mula
sa mga pagkakasalang
dumudungis, kumikitil sa aking kaluluwa

Nais kong umahon
sa kinasasadlakang bangin
ng mga dusang tila walang hanggan

At ihimlay nang tuluyan
yaring pagal kong katawan...

Minsan May Isang Batang Babae

2005-02-16T18:40:00.000+08:00

Minsan, may isang batang babae...

Ipinangalan siya sa isang bulaklak. Pinalaking animo'y isang prinsesa. Pinangarap niya ring maging "Little Miss Philippines". Ngunit siya ay natalo. Ayos lang.. Konsolasyon niya ay isang bagong barbie doll.

Minsan, may isang batang babae...

Kung bihisan siya'y daig pa ang isang manika. Ang buhok niya ay nakatali sa dalawang pony tail. Bawat tali ay may ribbon na kulay pink. Lagi siyang pinakakanta sa harap ng mga bisita. Pinasasayaw sa saliw ng musika ni Madonna.

Minsan, may isang batang babae...

Nagka-boypren siya ng apat. Hindi pa kasama doon ang tatlong ka-fling. Kinilig, tumili sa mga pelikula ni Rico Yan noon at ni Piolo Pascual ngayon. Pinangarap na maging Bb. Pilipinas Universe. Kung hindi, pwede na rin ang makapag-asawa ng kahit PBA player.

Ngayon ay may isang babae...

Babaeng pinapangarap ng kahit na sinong lalaki. Mapungay ang mga mata, mapula ang mga labi, mahaba ang buhok, mabini ang kilos...

Naglalakad sa isang landasing tila walang hanggan. Patungo sa isang kinabukasang puno ng magaganda at matatamis na mga pangarap.

Tanging baon sa paglalakbay ay pag-ibig...

Mahigpit.. damang-dama ang init..

Kahawak-kamay ang minsa'y naging isang batang babae...

naghihintay...

2005-02-14T20:41:00.000+08:00

first love, first heartache.

yeah... sadly, the first woman whom i fell inlove with was the first woman who really broke my heart. akala ko nga, madadala na ako. akala ko, hindi nako ulit mai-inlove sa babae. naisip ko, "paka-straight na lang kaya ulit ako?" pero naisip ko din, kawawa naman silang mga butches sa mundo. less one pretty femme kapag nagpaka-straight ako nyahahahaha! :p

seriously, minsan nakakapagod nang ma-inlove. nakakapagod nang mag-invest ng emotions sa isang tao tapos sa bandang huli eh sa wala rin mapupunta. nakakapagod nang masaktan. nakakapagod na ang cycle ng saya-lungkot-saya-lungkot o ng ngiti-iyak-ngiti-iyak.

pero, paano nga ba natin pipigilang makaramdam ang puso natin? paano natin patitigilin ang pagtibok nito? paano nga ba natin pipigilan ang mga sarili nating masaktan kung ang sanhi ng sangkaterbang sakit sa atin ay siya ring nagdudulot satin ng abot-langit na saya?

kaya nga eto ako... kahit halos ilang buwang gabi-gabing umiyak, kahit halos mawalan ako ng bait sa sarili dahil sa sugat na nilikha ng kabiguan ko sa pag-ibig... eto pa rin at patuloy na nakahandang magmahal... patuloy na umaasang isang araw ay may kakatok sa aking pinto upang habambuhay na maghatid ng saya sa aking mundo. alam kong may nakalaan para sa akin. at siya ang nakatakdang tumapos ng cycle ng saya-lungkot-saya-lungkot sa buhay ko...

SA IYO, wag kang mag-alala. andito lang ako. naghihintay sa pagdating mo. pero may isa lang akong request... pwedeng pakibilisan? ;)

Waiting for the Dawn

Reach out your hand and feel this hand i reach to you
Listen with your heart to the song i have to say
Miles apart and miles away
I listen to your voice
And i look to the distance waiting for you

I like awake looking up waiting for the dawn
Hoping that tomorrow would bring you home to me
I watch the skies deep in thought
Day drawing near
As my soul flies to the sun casting out all the fear

And i'm waiting for the sun to shine
Waiting for your hand in mine
Waiting for the darkness to fade
Waiting for the dawn

When the dawn has come
And the night has gone
I will come to you
Knowing that the day has brought you home to me
I seek no more, long no more
For the dawn has come
As you hold my hand there's no more
Waiting for the dawn

Cagayan de Oro... here I come!!!

2005-02-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

punta muna akong Cagayan de Oro. kita-kita tayo pagbalik ko! mami-miss ko kayo!

canopy walk

white water rafting

^^ gagawin ko lahat yan and more! excited nako. pray for me. hehe.

An Unborn Love

2005-02-02T22:10:00.000+08:00

It was that fateful day in August when I caught up with destiny capturing that very special moment in time. I met you. Your charm pierced the heart that would be yours forever. The days to come, as I know it, would never be the same again.

I wake up at mornings with a smile and face another day of great expectations. Each new sunrise gave me the hope that perhaps today, you would knock at my door. You stand no different from any other women. And yes, there are a lot of them far better than you. But my heart desires only one woman in jeans… you. As you speak, I can hear your voice echoing across my room, overpowering and drowning all existence within me.

I never expected this to happen, that I would ever feel this way. Was it your voice? Was it your smile? Was it your face? Or your wits that I’ve found so attractive? Why you who is oceans apart from me? Why you whose photographs, letters, text messages, and phone calls are all that I could hold on to? A thousand questions ring in my mind but no book can give me an answer.

It all ends at dusk. Everything around me weeps at sunset when all expectations are broken. Tasting the sweet teardrops flowing down my lips, my eyes call up to the stars in heaven and gently they say, “Tomorrow will be another sunrise.” And so, taking comfort in these words, I dream of you at twilight...

But I have pained your heart that i dreamt of owning forever. I was also wounded but you were hurt more...

Time passes by but my love for you remained. For a long time, I have kept it inside me. I wanted to seek you again but I never did for fear of rejection and to keep what pride I have left from being hurt. And although it hurts me so, I knew that my emotions would be left unanswered. And so I am left with no other choice but to be content with what I have – a love that can never be lost, for it was never really gained.

I looked at the coming year with the brightness of the rising sun, hoping that each new sunrise brings you peace and happiness. Yet, I took it with the deepest gloom for I finally bid farewell to someone I have considered very special. That day when my heart was left shattered where it has never been really touched. That day when I ended an unborn love. For now, I will sit, wait, and hope believing that someday another love will find its way to me. Another love that I will not let be left unborn.

*Note: This article is about my past long distance relationship. We broke up summer of 2004. We haven't seen each other in person yet, but I can proudly say that I truly loved this woman with all of me.

sarbi

2005-02-02T20:37:00.000+08:00

eto, patulan natin!

1. Name: SHARON ROSE ALOMBRO MASULA bow... i really hate my name ugh

2.Age: 22... sheft! tumatanda na talaga ako :(

3. Your family calls you: Shao... kapag galit nanay ko sakin, isang malutong na "Shaaarrrroooon"

4. Your friends call you: ShaoGanda o ShaoDaBomb *lol* sa org ko noon sa UP they used to call me "Master", dahil ako ay isang... Master! wehehe

5. Favorite no: 7? dahil taga-GMA 7 ako. wahahaha! yeah right....

6. Are you more of a pessimist or optimist? optimist. i love to hope.

7. The person you love most? hmmm... sarili ko??? wahahaha wawang bata

8. Are you in a relationship? what kind of relationship are you talking about???

9. What time is it? it's 5 minutes to 9pm. i should be going home na dahil maaga ang lecheng editing ko bukas. huhuhu!

10. What are you feeling today? i dunno... can't feel anything.

11. Last thing you did before you used the pc? made a list of what i have to buy for myself and for our house

12. Last thing that made you cry? recent heartache

13. Last person who made you smile? today? hmmm si Arrah ata dahil sa text nya :)

14. The person(s) you trust? kada ko

15. The person(s) who give/s some advice? huh?

16. Last book you read? bob ong book pa ata

17. What color of shirt r u wearing right now? uhmmm parang red ata 'to. ewan. color blind ako *lol*

18. Favorite places: kahit saan basta with a great company ;)

19. Marc Nelson or John Hall? kebs! sa inyo na!

20. Does someone bother you? wala pa naman. sinong gustong smubok???

21. You prefer to have a long or short hair? right now i'm growing my hair long. try lang ulit. sabi nila mas bagay daw. altho i prefer a shorter hair talaga.

22. Last person you texted? lemme see... *looks at mah cellphone* officemate ng friend ko. hehe.

23. Linkin Park or Slapshock? LP... cguro.

24. How would u describe what you're feeling ryt now? sabi na ngang i'm feeling numb!

25. Something you can't afford to lose? hmmm... my sanity?

26. Last person who made a testimonial? tingnan ko muna, oki? *looks at my friendster account* Lesbos United

27. What time did you go to bed last night? i went to bed at around 3am na ata. pero nakatulog ako mga mag-4am na. hihi!

28. Weirdest Person? kanya-kayang kawirduhan lang yan ;)

29. Choose Angel, Baby or Honey? yuuuccckkk *lol*

30. Last person who texted you? yung last person din na tinext ko.

31. Black, Blue or White? BLUE!!!! fave color ko :)

32. What turns you off from the opposite sex? nothing about 'em turns me on :p

33. What turns you on? nice pair of eyes, good sense of humor, nice teeth, mabango *wink*

34. Kikay or Jologs? sayaw kikay... sayaw kikay... lalalalalalala... wadafak!

35. Last person who crossed your mind? yung ka-text ko nang hanggang 4am kanina. hehe. hay life.

36. Mango or Girbaud? wala akong pambili jan. isa pa, ang hirap humanap ng size ko jan. maigas!

37. Are you a smoker? nope. at wala akong balak!

38. One big regret in life? making friends with this person i call BIATCH.

39. What's under your pillow? bedsheet at kama?

40. What's under your bed? boxes of old stuffs and alikabok... maraming alikabok! hehehe kailangan nang maglinis sa weekend. hay.

41. Where is the place you want to be right now? in HER house, para mapagluto ko sya ng almusal at nang paggising nya ay ako ang mamulatan nya

42. If you could freely kill just one celebrity, who will it be? pwedeng hindi celebrity??? *evil grin* galit na galit talaga ako sa kanya!!! waaaaa sorry Lord...

43. Single or married? single and charming! wahihihi

44. What's thye first thing you do when you wake up? check on my phone... dapat may text ako galing sa kanya. kung hindi.... wala, wala akong magagawa ugh hehe

45. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed? washi-washi :)

46. Worst feeling in the world: i-betray ka

47. What is your best asset? everything about me! nyahahaha! may aangal??? seriously, cguro yung wit ko. a person told me that she loves the way i make her laugh. madami na ding ibang nagsabi nyan hehehehe. tsaka maybe yung pagiging carefree ko in a good way. i don't worry too much. i also write well sabi nila. physical? many drools over model-like women but they say my being petite is an asset hehe. tsaka yung dimples ko at eyes (?) i really dunno... you be the judge!

48. What are you thinking right now? sheesh... kung anu-ano ang isasagot ko sa lecheng survey na ito! bwahahaha

49. Have you loved someone so much it hurts? yeah... unfortunately

50. Are you inlove right now? ALWAYS!

'nuf.... ayoko na *lol*

Hush

2005-02-02T01:59:00.000+08:00

hush.. my baby hush..
think of me only
erase all your worries
feel the warmth of my presence
feel my breath
feel my fingertips giving you sweet caress
feel my heartbeat and hear me call you
feel my heartbeat and hear me whisper to you
hear my voice
and hear my love
hear my voice..
and feel my love
hush.. my baby, hush...

can i be your guardien angel?

2005-01-31T19:15:00.000+08:00

would you want me to watch over you? would you want me to follow you all through your day and watch you at night while you dream away? would you want me to protect you from harm and keep you safe? would you let me into your life?

Your a Guradien Angel! Guardien Angels are also
knows as Warrior Angels, because they are the
army of God. Not always meaning that they are
in war, simply that their job is to protect
unwary humans from dark dragons, or other evil
demons. Warrior Angels are not always friendly
with humans, but they will watch over them all
the time. Humans say that when a miracle
happens, thank your guardien angel.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

quizzes

2005-01-29T11:25:00.000+08:00

discover me through these quizzes... have fun! hehe (hindi naman ata ako masyadong nag-enjoy magsasasagot ng mga online quizzes! lol)

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

What's Your Element?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this worldSo much so that you tend to live in your head most of the timeYou have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult. You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are 29 Years Old

29

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Sugat

2005-01-25T16:15:00.000+08:00

mas masakit ang sugat na hindi nakikita...

kaya nga ba mas makirot ang mga isiping gumugulo sa utak kesa sa mga gasgas sa tuhod sa tuwing tayo'y nadadapa?

kaya nga ba mas mahirap kalimutan ang mga ala-alang mapapait kesa sa pagkapahiya natin noong tayo'y nasubsob sa lupa?

kaya nga ba mas tumatagos sa laman ang mga tarak sa ating puso kesa sa hiwa ng kutsilyo?

kaya nga ba mas mahirap kalimutan ang mga kabiguan at dalamhati kesa sa pagkawala ng mga peklat sa balat natin?

at ang mga sugat na hindi nakikita, habambuhay na nakaukit sa ating isip, puso, at kaluluwa... kaya mas masakit, mas makirot, mas mahapdi, at mas mahirap na burahin sa ating tanang buhay...

off to Iloilo...

2005-01-20T21:20:00.000+08:00

sa mga masugid kong tagasubaybay *lol*,

mawawala po muna ako ng ilang araw dahil ako'y tutulak papuntang Iloilo mamayang madaling araw. we'll be covering the Dinagyang Festival at magsa-side trip na rin sa Guimaras after. Iloilo is my mom's province. yes, Ilonga po ako. well, i prefer being called an Ilonga than Aklanon (my dad's from Aklan) hehe.

1998 was the last time i set my foot in this province. err nung gumawa pala kami ng segment about Masskara Festival nung October eh dumaan kami ng Iloilo City papuntang Bacolod. pero as in daan lang talaga yun. happy ako ngayon kasi talagang Iloilo na ang papasyalan ko.

excited nako! ^-^ mami-miss ko kayong lahat... hehe

buntis?

2005-01-17T21:10:00.000+08:00

isang happy post this time...

maraming salamat sa mga nakisimpatiya sa pagda-drama ko nang mga nakaraang araw. sabi ko nga, just one of those days ^_^ eto muna... pangungulit lang.

^^ kuha ang mga 'yan last April 2004 during our Lovely Day opening bill board shoot. ang OBB po yung parang mtv sa umpisa ng show habang pinatutugtog yung theme song. wala pako sa Lovely Day noon. umepal lang sa shoot. hehe.

so ngayon, nakakita na kayo ng lesbianang buntis *loughing out loud* bagay ba?

isang liham

2005-01-16T19:55:00.000+08:00

sayo,

patawad ulit sa lahat ng sakit na idinulot ko sayo. sana isang araw ay maintindihan mo ring hindi ko sinasadya ang lahat... at salamat sa pagpaparamdam sakin na mahalaga ako sayo. sana ay maramdaman mo ring napakahalaga mo sakin.

sana ay maging maayos na ang lahat. hangad ko ang kaligayahan mo.

- shao